Not sure what to do anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ulrike, Apr 5, 2014.

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  1. Ulrike

    Ulrike Member

    Hi, some of you might know me from chat over the last few days, I guess it's time for a little introduction. My name is Ulrike, I'm 22 and a male-to-female transgender. I currently live with my parents and am currently unemployed.

    About 3 weeks ago I was officially laid off from the bank I worked at due to my position not being retained after a merger so I'm pretty much left without any sort of cash income and if my parents find out that I'm on hormones chances are they would kick me out. The few friends I have have more or less abandoned me because they didn't like that I'm depressed from losing my job and the risk of getting kicked out.

    Honestly I don't have much left and don't know what to do. Suicide has been in my mind almost constantly for the last week at least, though I don't think I'm ready to commit to doing it. I haven't wanted to get out of bed because I didn't have a reason to. It's slowly starting to feel like it's the only option I've got anymore due to the area I live in which is considerably intolerant of anyone that don't fit in their definition of "normal". I would move away but I don't have any money to do so with since all of the severance money I got has to go toward a car loan and college loans for a degree I never complete.

    I just wish I still had someone to talk to about everything. It hurts that someone I always saw as my best friend would throw me away as soon as I was no longer a benefit to her and needed her help.
  2. <3 yourself

    <3 yourself New Member

    Don't Commit suicide You are a good person depression happens during life but bear through it love your self just try to be happy i am sure you are a lovely young Woman.
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi Ulrike. I am so sorry that things are difficult. What you described is so much to live with alone. Without support. I am glad you are here. please do not suicide. As you know, way too many in the LGBTQ community end up succumbing to suicide. I am very glad you reached out here. I am glad you joined this community. I think its a good one.

    Have you ever talked to the people involved with the Trevor project? Its for people who are LGBTQ who need help and are between the ages of 13 to 24. I am not suggesting this instead of being here. But perhaps giving them a try in addition to coming here. They have a 24 hour helpline. And I think they are pretty cool group of people in general. Also they have chat and text helpine. here is a link to the help page of the website I suggested that a guy call there. He did and had a good expereince.

    Please hang on. You deserve support. I hope you will give treavor project a call. If you do, will you let me know how it works out? I do not have private messages. I turned them off because I was hurt too much in the past. But I do have visitor messages. And I will also see if you answer here. :hug:
  4. Ulrike

    Ulrike Member

    Thanks, Flowers. I've heard about the Trevor Project before but I've never looked at it too deeply. I will take a look at it over the next few days, though. I think the biggest, most negative impact on my life right now though is the fact that my best friend just kind of stopped talking to me without even giving me a reason why. It's something I haven't been able to wrap my mind around and has been really sending me in a kind of downward spiral, especially when I've been with her through a lot of things.
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    sighs. I am really sorry. I wish people could understand the impact their actions had on other people. I am just shaking my head in sadness. I wish she understood how painful this is for you. I hope she comes around again with a good excuse. I really do.
  6. Ulrike

    Ulrike Member

    I don't know, I've been giving her space for the last week to see if maybe she just wanted a break from me but from my understanding she doesn't want me in her life anymore.
  7. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Though it is only part of your problems, if you haven't already done so then consolidate all of your student loans. Google will show you many places to do that. Then ask for forbearance for economic reasons. This gets rid of your student loan payments while you are unemployed and the banks are very easy to work with on doing this. That will help conserve your money until you find another job or possibly free up enough to consider relocating for a better job.
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    If she doesnt, then I am very sorry, Ulrike. I hope things can turn around for you. You deserve good people in your life. I hope you can find a way to meet more people who celebrate and care about you for who you are. You deserve that !!! AND I hope your financial situation will turn around. I hope the info NYJmpMaster gave is useful. He is a pretty smart guy :D
  9. Ulrike

    Ulrike Member

    Thanks NYJmpMaster, I had looked into getting a forbearance before but was concerned it would negatively impact my credit score. From my understanding it doesn't so I'll be looking into that further this week. And thanks for the kind words, Flowers. I really appreciate it. I don't really get too many kind words now days so every little bit helps
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