not sure what to do, details inside

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by poison, Jul 3, 2010.

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  1. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    hi all. for a very long time, i have hated myself. i'd say this has been going on for about 3 years. i've tried to resolve but try as i might, it prevails. i don't know what to do at this point. i hate myself completely, every look in the mirror is some sort of dig at myself. i don't really forgive myself either.

    the bigger problem at the moment is my depersonalization cycle. when i am depersonalized, it has varying levels of severity. the lowest level is minor and i just feel a little foggy and indirect with surroundings/people. i can function normally. the highest level doesn't tend to last for more than a minute but is somewhat impairing. brain feels like it is in shock and it is very hard to focus on anything. anyway, when i am in my body, i hate myself and am somewhat unhappy. when i am depersonalized, i am indifferent to myself and basically everything. i go through cycles where i crash into my body for a day or two and then am out of it for a day or two. this is a bit distressing and i have yet to adapt. i'm hoping my withdrawal from casual drug (marijuana, cocaine, heroin) use will help.

    anyway, i fucking hate living. i just wish i were dead most of the time but i don't really feel like killing myself. i have no clue what to do. i need to see someone and get help though, that's for sure.

    someone point me in the right direction. i'm lost.
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Why don't you go in the hospital voluntarily.. While you are in there find out if there are any dual diagnosis shelters in your area.. They can help you mentally and to cope with coming off the drugs..I know how hard it is to quit.. I did it myself with no help.. But I still miss it..I'm 53 and to old to be going to jail..I think dual diagnosis is what you need.. Take care!!
     
  3. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    thank you for your response, stranger. i am considering seeking therapy at the moment.
     
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi poison. I think it would be beneficial for you if you cut out using illegal drugs, because they can seriously mess up your mind and land you in jail if you get caught with them. Also, meditative practices can cause depersonalization, and cutting back can help.
     
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