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Not sure what to do here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tzarm, May 31, 2008.

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  1. Tzarm

    Tzarm New Member

    I am a 20 year old male about graduate with my associates degree. This fall i am going back to school in Philadelphia for my bachelor's. My girlfriend and me have been dating for 2 years almost and we both are going to Philly for college...but she broke up with me 3 days ago and this has been the worst few days of my life. As she says she just wants a break before we go to philly, but she says she wants to get back together after the summer.

    4 weeks ago i was hospitalized for a couple of days from suffering from an anxiety attack/stress/and very low potassium. I was hyperventalating, shaking uncontrollably, having a hard time breathing and my body was going numb on me. After 2 weeks off from school and work and being stress free i was feeling better and trying to get back to my routine with school and work, and then my girlfriend basically says she wants to not date me for the summer. There are problems in the relationship but nothing out of the ordinary, nothing major, its like this came out of nowhere. We have however been fighting a bit more recently...

    I tend to keep my problems inside when i have them, but for the last few weeks i have been feeling depressed, lonely, i just feel like im not wanted, i want some closure, but it sucks because i want my girlfriend back, she is the world to me and i cant stand not being with her, and seeing her at work is even worse because shes just an arms length away...but i know that she doesn't want me and it hurts...deep...everynight since she broke up with me i have been having dreams that i remember. Each one involves me killing myself...one time i took my car and ran into a tree, another time i jumped off my house and made sure i landed on the side of my head so my neck would snap due to the pressure from my body, and last night was another car one...i dont know what to do, i did a bunch of research online and took some suicide tests and they all say that i am suicidal and need to get help. I read all about suicide and it sure sounds like thats me...and i want to get help...i am doing to the doctor's this monday for a complete physical for an update, i am thinking about telling her about this but i am afraid for what that might cause...I have not told my parents yet about my girlfriend breaking up with me, they think she has just been busy, and I have been cooped up in my room doing nothing...all day...I need help guys and I hope i can get some

    I dont know what to do anymore, I go to work and feel like crap and like i just dont want to be alive. I come home and sit in my room thinking about how i miss my girlfriend and i cant live without her, i just want it to end. I feel unwanted and hurt and this suicide thought has been in my head and it wont go away. It seems like a solution, right now my life is at an all time low, i miss her so much i just dont know what to do. I want to keep typing because i am feeling good about typing my problems, but there isn't much more to say except that I dont think i want to die, but at the same time i feel like i need to die and i just do not honestly know what to do with my life
  2. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    Hi Tzarm, welcome to SF (and sorry you are here :biggrin:)

    Damn, I know how it hurts when gf dumps you and all I can say to you is: You are too young to kill yourself!

    Take care :hug:
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Hi Tzarm..

    Just few things i think you should know...
    Most guys want to kill themselfs after thair GF leaving them...
    That is natural really, and most of such guys wount do it.
    And if you ask me how do i know?
    Well.. your life is so much better then of most of us here in this forums.
    You are aducated, active, with relation expiriance, and self motivated.
    Me as many other like me, most of the time we dont have aducation becouse we droped out of school, relations is something most of us feel like thay will never have, and we are far from be active or self motivated to do anything...
    This is a life of a depressd guy. and i guess that is why most of poeople like me are suicidial...

    As for you, good luck with your gf and aducation
    i hope you know how much it all really worth
    You can tell your doctor about what you feel and think
    it is natural and his reaction will be proffasional, dont worry about it
    my guess is that he will give you some pills and you will feel much better.

    Sorry for my lame english :p
  4. Tzarm

    Tzarm New Member

    Thank you for your caring responses, I am already on pills called Lexapro, its for my anxiety i believe.

    I just want her back so bad, its rediculous, its my first long term relationship and im taking it very hard, if i see her with another guy or something i know this feeling is going to take over control and win, I dont even know if i want to go to philly anymore because i was going with her and now i would be going without her...i just want this to end, i still am unsure what to do, this feeling of the ultamite answer just seems make sense, death seems like the only way out still. I am sick of feeling horrible and that something i want that is so close i know i cannot have...I believe i will tell my doctor this monday, I want to right now but that might change once im there, i hope it doesn't though because i need some help, this suicide feeling i can tell is getting stronger
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Let her go. This won't last forever, your young and have a full life ahead of you. By all means change college if that is what it takes. Switch to Florida, You will forget all about her once you are down here around all these southern belles with the short shorts and the dark tans. I've been where you are several times. It happens to the best of us.I guess what I am trying to say is you don't have to take this crap. Tell her good-bye and proceed to a better life.:chopper:
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I think it is a wise decision for you to tell your doctor about your thoughts. If you are afraid you will not be able to do this, write it on a piece of paper and hand it to her. You could even just give her your first post here. It sums up how you have been feeling. Often time relationships break up at this time in your life. One partner is not sure of the commitment to the relationship so they want a break from it to see how they feel. Know that some of your feelings are normal. You are grieving a loss much like that of a death. In essense this is the death of a relationship. You may need to go through the grieving process. Do not be discouraged with how you feel as things will change with time. Go ahead with you plans for college. You have worked too hard to abandon those plans now. If you wish to go to a different school, there is still time for applications to be accepted. You mention she wants a break for the summer. Use this time to make sure of how you feel also. Maybe you will meet someone else that you wish to form a relationship with. You just never know. You have a lot of life yet to live. Make the most of it and don't let this situation get you down. :hug:
  7. thebrain

    thebrain Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you're going through one of my worst fears. I fear being so attached to someone that I'll die without them (read: kill myself). You're young, like me, though. I read somewhere that the average person falls in love 7 times before they get married (and who knows how many times after). Seems like kind of a high number to me, but even if it is a little high, she's not the last for you. There's not just one person for everybody. There are tons of compatible people. It's just a matter of coincidence, as far as I'm concerned. You'll end up meeting someone who's better for you, anyway. Going to a bigger college ups those chances significantly.

    Good luck, and stay safe. I'm rooting for you!
  8. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Summer Rain summed everything up pretty well. You have a ton of successes ahead of you and behind you.

    However, I know where you are coming from. I have my degree, I have a good job, and I suppose that I have a circle of friends and family who care about me.

    Everything listed above should be considered a success, and should ideally be used to build my own sense of self and lend to my own definition of self-worth. However, I often find the opposite to hold true.

    I also suffer from anxiety attacks, and used to take medication for it. I'm not on pills anymore, mostly because I resented them and my psychologist. I've since stopped medication and therapy, but that's mostly due to the fact that I'm exceptionally paranoid and would rather be left alone. Sometimes I think that I'd be better served to get back on a program, but I really don't want anybody else knowing my business, even if that's what he's paid to do.

    But you've got your whole life in front of you. Twenty is much too young to be having these feelings--and hey, it's just one girl. Keep in mind that 52% of the population is now female, with lower numbers of males being born each year. That just means that there's more women for every man!

    Stay on your medication for your anxiety, and keep up the therapy.
  9. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Tzarm, I know how difficult it is to be rejected by a girlfriend (because most of us have been rejected by someone we care about), but it is our perception of ourselves that is most important during these difficult times. You must understand that your begging her to come back will only make her go the other way. The bottom line is you must show confidence even if you don't feel it at the moment. Don't act weak, even if you feel that way. It's just human nature to want to lean on someone, not to be leaned on. It's okay to feel weak, don't get me wrong. I feel weak often, but when you're trying to win someone over, you can't just let it all hang out. It's like telling someone that you have bad breath every morning before they fall in love with you. Once they fall head over heals, your breath becomes unimportant in the overall picture for two reasons. It can be corrected, and more importantly it becomes a secondary issue when love reigns. But in the end if someone still rejects you, for whatever reason, you must know that this does not change who you are in a deeper sense; in a more spiritual sense. You are a loving human being because you (as well as everyone else) are an extension of god (the guiding force that created you), and no person could ever take that away from you. If you know this in your heart of hearts, you will be able to overcome this experience and move on to happier times even though it feels hopeless while you are experiencing these temporary, although very strong, feelings.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 1, 2008
  10. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    Don't kill youreslf man, don't give her the satisfaction! She won't feel sorry for you if you do, she will just be all smug and think 'im hot stuff i dump guys and they kill themselves'. If she wants to give you the run around about 'taking a break from you' she is just cruel and enjoys watching you suffer, she should just come out and break up if thats what she wants to do. Be done with her and don't tolerate it, when you have your full degree girls will be all over you. Although its not like you need a girl in the first place, most just divorce you and extract you for alimony/child support these days anyways. You are successful and will be able to do many awsome things. It will be painfull for awhile, but make it through this phase and you will have so much to live for!
  11. Tzarm

    Tzarm New Member

    update here, im on pills called Seroquel and they are helping, im also seeing a phsyciatrist a couple times a week...so my life still is kinda sucky. It's like i wake up every morning and say to myself: "Today is going to be a good day," but like once the day continues its like it sucks...a lot, i hate being alone and well just wish i would have a good day for once, but thanks guys
  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I think you need to read what peacegirl posted because in my opinion she has nailed it on the head. You have so much going for you, so continue with the forum but start putting those negative thoughts behind you. Good luck!!Stay Safe and Stay Strong...:chopper:
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