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Not sure what to do next.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Toadamas, Apr 23, 2014.

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  1. Toadamas

    Toadamas New Member

    When i was five my father killed himself. About two months later, my babysitter's son began to molest me daily. this lasted almost a year before i finally got up to nerve to tell my mom why i was afraid to go back to that house. She thought i just didn't like how the boys picked on me. So that plan back-fired. Not long after though, i managed to convince my mom to have our neighbor watch me instead. She had no choice but to agree because she couldn't watch me herself and i wouldn't go back to Glenda's, the babysitter, house. So i was saved from the abuse for a small period. But then my mother began to abuse me. Not sexually, but emotionally. She would call me a mistake that cause my father's death and force me to clean the house from top to bottom with only a toothbrush. Occasionally she would punish me by beating me but mostly that was her new boyfriend's job. Then my brother began to beat me. And my other brother isolated me for receiving too much attention. No one at school ever questioned the bruises. the summer of my tenth birthday i was living with my aunt because my mom had up and left us. But, for some odd reason, my mom decided to kidnap me. Literally kidnap me. While my aunt was at work she came and got me. She brought me back to Glenda's house. I guess Glenda was strapped for cash and wanted to state to pay her for being my "foster mother". And while her son who had molested me all those years ago was grown, her younger sons seemed to enjoy the same tastes. Luckily, i was a little older and could fight back. i was there about two months before my aunt pressed charges. Less than a week later my mom brought me back to her because i wasn't worth the struggle. Now i live with an emotionally abusing aunt and a physically abusive brother. Both have a short temper and hate it when i fight back. But their episodes have become less frequent over the years. Which just leaves me time to think about my past. Every time i close my eyes i see someone i trusted abusing me in some way. I can't trust anyone. Even my friends don't know the real me because i try my hardest to become someone else around them. I can't sleep, i can't eat. Every time someone raises a hand or attempts to touch me i cringe in fear, even if they mean no harm. How can i move past this?
  2. pleasedonthateme

    pleasedonthateme Active Member

    im sooo sorry!
    is there anyone you trust?
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, you have gone through so much in your life. All I can say focus on something positive or a dream you wish to achieve. It's easy to say that to put the past behind you but that is going to tough. The emotional stuff is tough and does cause a lot of turmoil inside. You need to focus and I wish you the best of luck. Take care.
  4. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Not sure how old you are niw but there are lots of help groups out there.

    All full of people you can trust.
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    The only way I, personally, could learn to trust again, was to go through therapy.
    Abused children always have trust issues because the abuse has taught them, very early on, that sometimes even your nearest and dearest cannot be trusted.
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