Not sure what to do so I've joined..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by zirr, May 11, 2011.

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  1. zirr

    zirr New Member


    I'm typing this on my phone because I'm paranoid someone will figure out I've been looking this up.

    I've tried to commit suicide 3 times and failed because I can't even do that, and instead of support from my family to try and help me out of this depression they just call me crazy and an attention seeker. I have noone to talk to and I don't really want to talk to anyone but I think I'm ready to just die right now.

    I was sexually abused and have to go to court on Monday for it and I'm terrified, I got mugged and my belongings stolen a few weeks ago, my mother is a heroin addict and my father is in prison for murder. I'm nothing like them but they don't seem to understand me and I have ended up quitting everything I've ever done. I don't have a job because I'm too scared to go to interviews, I quit university a few months ago because I just couldn't be bothered anymore and I tried to jump off a bridge 2 months ago but a taxi driver grabbed me andpsychologists just keep telling me I have to go see them every week but I don't want to. I know I should but I'm terrifed of talking to people and I can't handle talking about things like this but typing it out to strangers who can't see who I am or judge me for being so pathetic kinda helps this. I was in a relationship for 2 years that ended 7 months ago and I still can't get it out of my head. I'm not really sure what to do. I self harm most days and I tend to burn my legs because noone can see it. I seem to be having meaningless sex with people when I'm drunk because I need some sort of relationship or something. I don't know, I am probably just a *****. I have taken 12 tramadol and I'm feeling quite dizzy and horrible and I'm in two minds weither to take the rest of the pills I have. I don't know what to say really. I don't know why I'm even typing this. I just don't think life is for me and I had to write down what was happening in my life somewhere. Sorry.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni


    please don't do anything rash. can you let your psych know that you are in crisis again? if you can't reach them would you consider going to the ER? they will look after you until you start to feel better again.

    it can take a lot of work to heal from sexual abuse. years, even. it's common to feel suicidal in the meantime. do you have someone from the rape crisis centre willing to go with you on monday? it will be good to have a supportive person with you. i will keep you in my thoughts on monday. what you are doing is very, very brave. good for you.

    sorry that your parents are no support. do you have friends that you can rely on? if you stick around here you will make new friends. everyone here is very nice.

    so put away the pills adn keep writing. there is the let it out forum and the sexual abuse/rape forum where you may feel more comfortable posting.

    let us help

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi you please call crisis line okay talk to someone it helps it calms one down so you can think more clearly. you can vent here type out your thoughts here we will listen okay We care so please know you are not alone any more hugs
  4. Push

    Push Well-Known Member

    Please don't take the rest of the pills and call a hotline. :hug:
  5. Groznyji

    Groznyji Active Member

    Take everyone else's advice here and call someone. If you've actually attempted to kill yourself then you need some sort of support.

    Additionally, I'd appreciate it if you posted again here to let us all know that you're ok. Feel free to PM me as well. My situation isn't as dire as yours, but I can certainly identify with much of what you're feeling.
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