Not sure what to do trust doctors or my instinct

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bfox7777, Nov 18, 2009.

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  1. bfox7777

    bfox7777 Member

    Where to begin I been ill, for a while. Have a real hatred for living, becoming very anti-social and don’t see the point in living. I was diagnosed with HIV in Aug 2008 and also have iron deficiency anaemia and lost my job because of UK worse recession this summer, finding work is hard and job agencies are such a waist of space and not feeling great is not helping, the doctors say yeah your blood tests are fine, Yeah right.

    It is hard choice to find a reason to actually to live for, don’t get me wrong I have some good friends and family they have been good over the years. But it is me that has to live with illness, good and the bad, and sometimes the pain can be very bad. And the thought of me having AIDS, 1 day is not a nice thought, I just have it my head that I would like to die by my hand, than put life in the hands of a doctor. In the past they have made mistakes, giving wrong drugs or no pain relief at all (NHS what do you expect). Is it so wrong just to give up, stop all lifesaving anti-viral drugs and let nature takes its course or would this be classed as suicide?

    I dont trust doctors, but my instinct says end it my way before they do my damage to me
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Stu and welcome...only you can make this decision to withhold treatment from yourself; my first inclination would be to see what is offered before you globally reject the process...hope you feel better and welcome again...J
  3. bfox7777

    bfox7777 Member

    HI Sadeyes

    Thank you for your reply and your kind words and welcome, this is very true my next appointment is not till second week of Jan 2010, but the way I feel I just want to give up

    Just have a bad feeling that one morning I am just going wakeup and say why bother, why do I have to double check everything, that is what they get paid for.

    Life is so stressful ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Just wanted to say hi and welcome to the forum. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now, but I can only echo what Sadeyes has said ... at least see what is offered and give yourself a chance. :hug: Here if you want to talk.
  5. bfox7777

    bfox7777 Member

    HI Alison

    Thank you for your message and support, and the words of kindness, you know all it takes is a few words of support and you can feel a bit better, so big thank you to Alison and Sadeyes for your concern.

    You know it is so hard to live day by day not knowing if you are going to be seriously ill, so it is good to have found this site and I hope and try I can get through the dark and painfull days and fingers crossed nothing else bad happens to me.

    This is gonna be so hard taking 1 day at a time I have such a big fear of dying from a painfull terminal illness.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey i say trust doctors okay they know what they are talking about Give it a try at least Glad your here for support Sometimes we just have to trust professionals right that is what i am told all time try okay stay well.
  7. alexander01

    alexander01 Active Member

    Hello Stu I hope you are doing ok,

    Every minute every second is precious; truly we are all bound for heaven sooner or later are we not? – Truly all we have is the present. Make what’s best of the time that is given.

    And never surrender.

    When death that comes to us all will come to you dosen't matter when the thing will happen, face it with a smile in your heart of knowing you have lived and fought for better or worst.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I know taking things day by day is scary. And I can relate to the fear you have, since it's always been one of mine too. Just remember that you don't have to go through it alone. There are lots of us here you can lean on for help and support. :hug: My PM box is always open if you need anything.
  9. brueyh1976

    brueyh1976 Well-Known Member

    hey Stu, (someone from my neck of the woods!!)
    really hope you're ok. You're not alone, you're not. Like Alison, my PM box is open as well if you need anything.
    Hang on Stu, hang on my friend.
  10. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I can't imagine what you're going trough. I would personally try trusting the doctor but of course if you can't, you can't because NHS is so bad. You can always have a deep chat with somebody here if you can't open up about you're thoughts to you're family and think trough you're life and wether its worth living. There is alot more to life than you think.
  11. bfox7777

    bfox7777 Member

    Thank you for the replies and advice, that has been given, it has made a difference, just hope I can get to trust them again,well I can live in hope I guess.

    Big big thanks, to you all, and please take care
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    If you're unhappy with the way one doctor handles your situation, maybe try to find a different one. Doctors have different approaches, and what may work for one person may not feel comfortable to another one. I've switched doctors in the past because I just wasn't comfortable with the one I had.
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