Not sure what to do.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by X99, Nov 10, 2008.

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  1. X99

    X99 Member

    Well today I asked out this girl that has been acting really nice towards me and thought liked me, but she turned my off to go out today. While I know its a monday and everything I could read her body language and something just wasn't right. I feel like shit. It's not just about this girl, that would be pathtic to be in such a mess over this one specific girl. The thing is, it reminds me of all the BS I've taken during my 22 years on this earth and how all I've wanted what someone to connect with..just that simple thing..And I've never been able to accomplish that because of how I react towards everything.

    Really the only thing that kept me going is knowing that I was amazing at's the only thing I've really understood, but I have started medication that kills my creativity, but it levels out my moods. However getting rejected was just too much and dont think that any amount of medicine can stop me from feeling what I feel. For a decade I've tried and tried to make things work so that I have a person in my life that can be understand, supporting and really just a friend. I've never had that.

    I don't really see the point of living if you're just "going through the motions" and have no one that really cares for you. I just don't see the point.

    The only person that really keeps me from doing anything is my mom, but I think if she weren't there that I'd already be gone. I've always been one to wait to see what the future will bring but it never brings anything. I'm trying my best but obviously my best isn't enough, I don't know how to cope. I just want to stop thinking. I'm not asking for advice, I'm telling my story which is only short because I don't have the energy to keep typing.
  2. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    How you know that you will never have that? Maybe you will find someone who cares about you. Any specific reason why you think you'll never find? BEcause i feel the same, or to say it more corectly, i know that, but i have a reason, my nickname says all.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi X99,
    You need to love yourself before you can find love from someone else. Maybe she picked up something from you like low self esteem,ETC. ETC., ETC. You will find that the more positive you are the more people are going to want to be around you.
    You are young and will have at least one more meaningfull relationship. Don't give up on yourself. Just because you were rejected is no reason to give in to suicidal thoughts, instead learn from it and don't make the same mistakes. Build your self confindance. I hope you don't give up because you have know idea what awaits you in the future!!Take Care!!~Joseph~
  4. X99

    X99 Member

    Thank you for your responses.

    Any specific reason I think I’ll never find someone?
    Well all my life I’ve been extremely shy and uncomfortable around people. It has always been hard for me to make connections with anyone; my brain just isn’t wired for socializing even though I would really like to have friends, a girlfriend, ect. I’ve very recently started taking medication which has really helped me open up, but it’s not like I have this archive of knowledge about how to interact with people. I think I’m a good looking guy, not the best looking, but I’ve been told many times that I am good looking. This girl made me feel comfortable somehow and I felt that she was a kind person. I might have been either too forward or confused interest for just friendliness. I was feeling unusually anxious and negative last night and it may very well have been projected by the way I acted around her.

    To Stranger1,
    I do love myself. I’m not in love with myself, but I don’t think I’m riddled with faults and flaws. I haven’t given up on myself. I’ve given up on most people and how the majority they don’t reward kindness and honesty, but see it as a weakness. I believe that most people out there are really the ones that have problems. I’m tired of self indulgence and doing everything for ME ME ME. I want something else to fight for.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Now your talking!! put that kind of emotion in with your knowledge and you will have something!! I am glad your meds are helping to bring you out of your shell!!! Keep it up you are doing just fine!!Stay Strong!!~Joseph~
  6. X99

    X99 Member

    Thanks Joseph
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