Well today I asked out this girl that has been acting really nice towards me and thought liked me, but she turned my off to go out today. While I know its a monday and everything I could read her body language and something just wasn't right. I feel like shit. It's not just about this girl, that would be pathtic to be in such a mess over this one specific girl. The thing is, it reminds me of all the BS I've taken during my 22 years on this earth and how all I've wanted what someone to connect with..just that simple thing..And I've never been able to accomplish that because of how I react towards everything. Really the only thing that kept me going is knowing that I was amazing at art..it's the only thing I've really understood, but I have started medication that kills my creativity, but it levels out my moods. However getting rejected was just too much and dont think that any amount of medicine can stop me from feeling what I feel. For a decade I've tried and tried to make things work so that I have a person in my life that can be understand, supporting and really just a friend. I've never had that. I don't really see the point of living if you're just "going through the motions" and have no one that really cares for you. I just don't see the point. The only person that really keeps me from doing anything is my mom, but I think if she weren't there that I'd already be gone. I've always been one to wait to see what the future will bring but it never brings anything. I'm trying my best but obviously my best isn't enough, I don't know how to cope. I just want to stop thinking. I'm not asking for advice, I'm telling my story which is only short because I don't have the energy to keep typing.