Not sure what to do

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by glitter-princess, Sep 8, 2009.

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  1. I have been with my partner for a while now, and him and his last ex have a project house (renovating to sell) and i had monday off work, and she was there painting something.
    we ended up talking, up until now we havent gotten on (loong loooong story)
    and she mentioned he hit her a couple of times, and hasnt told me he was diagnosed as a narcissist.

    we have had some nasty arguements involving screaming and swearing.
    i have always felt scared during the arguements, but lately its been worse, and i have felt like its only him being on the other side of the room that stops him hitting me or doing anything like that.

    i have cyclothymia, and hes making it a lot worse, and making me feel like everything that happens is my fault.
    other people are managing to tell me that what he is doing is wrong, and usually i could see when things are bad. but now it just feels like its my fault

    he also has aspergers if that makes things harder/different/whatever
     
  2. SelfMadePrison

    SelfMadePrison Banned Member

    No easy path before us.. sucks that relationships are so hard.
    I am not suprised to see narcissism and aspergers together describing the same person... allthough I dont think all narcissists are aspergers or all aspergers are narcissists.
    One thing I do think though is a relationship with someone who has aspergers is very difficult (or at least the typical relationship with an asperger)..

    As a male who has aspergers one thing I will encourage you in.. be blunt, say it as you see it, he may get upset and the like, but what you say will faze him and may very well become the thoughts he holds the dearest to himself..
    Aggression is something that is common with those who have aspergers, and that I think is a scary thing..
    Have you shared these concerns with him?
     
  3. the anger scares me
    its like flipping a switch, and the him i know turns off and gets really nasty.
    every time i have tried to talkt o him about it, he turns it round on me and makes me feel like its my fault.
    i did succeed in leaving, but i came back
    he promised to change etc
    i want kids as well, and he promised to try for them, then changed his mind and said never.
    its like i did something wrong
    feels like he doesnt love me, and really doesnt care what happens to me
     
  4. SelfMadePrison

    SelfMadePrison Banned Member

    Your really between a rock and a hard place.

    I believe that people with Aspergers compute emotion/empathy in the same place we process language skills.. so we tend to be logical in emotion/empathy and I think is why we can seam so utterly nasty in moments of anger (dont know if that makes sense).

    I found that the more life I live the problem areas of Aspergers increase...
    Has you obtained any treatment for his Aspergers?

    How long ago did he switch his mind about wanting children? and does he switch often in what he wants/does not want?

    Regardless I will stress life with an Aspergers is a hard road..
     
  5. he makes all these promises, to do a load of things, but doesnt actually follow through on them.
    he started the DORE program alst year, and was meant to start it again, but nothing has happened yet.
    when i was in australia, we were emailing daily, and he promised when i came back, we would start trying for kids.
    it was one of my main reasons for coming back in the first place.
    a couple of weeks ago, i jokingly asked when i was going to get a baby, and he said 'never from me'
    im just not sure what to do any more
    i think i still love him, but he makes me feel so horrible about myself.
    its just really hard
     
  6. SelfMadePrison

    SelfMadePrison Banned Member

    have you been with this guy for long?

    There is no easy answer in your situation.. either way there is going to be difficult things.

    You should not be made to feel horrible and I hope that he can see what he is doing before it is to late.
     
  7. wow.
    so much has happened
    he is definitly a narsissist
    i left a month ago, and he is still acting like a prick.
    so heres a running total of what i lost...
    my car,
    my kitten,
    2 years of my life,
    a baby,
    god knows how much money,
    my dignity,
    the thing i miss the most, is my mind.
     
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so glad you left him....that would've been my advice....
    I was with a narcisisst and didn't realise it till I left (after 13 years) and my therapist told me...
    are you having some counceling? it may help to get your mind "back"...
    take care..
     
  9. i have done a little bit of counselling, and its helping, but what helped the most, was someone made me see that none of it was my fault.

    the same trashy little fat chick that ruined my relationship with anoter man, is now with him, but it denying the whole thing.

    its so funny, i know both of them so well, and i can see every little thing that he used to do with me.

    he made me quit smoking, he tells her hes proud she quit.
    hes just a spineless little worm who doesnt deserve someone like me.

    im perfectly unperfect, and i have met a man who appreciates me for who i am.
    none of this settling because im worried about the future.

    here, and now.
    i am happy.

    i noticed a funny feeling in my jaw recently.
    a feeling i havent had for a long time.
    then i realised it was a true smile.
    it was then, that i welcomed myself home.
     
  10. BP#1

    BP#1 Well-Known Member

    You already have the answers so why wait? Are you insecure? Leave,Run, l promise you'll thank your self. l know men your describing. l have knocked a few narcissist down my life time. They are shells. Run now, don't just stand there.....
     
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