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Not sure what to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dying To Live, Jan 6, 2011.

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  1. Dying To Live

    Dying To Live Member

    I'm not sure were to start but as you can see I'm new here. I have severe social anxiety and I'm a 36 year old male living at home with my mother. The social anxiety has become so bad that I have no friends anymore and never leave the house except at night to go get groceries, late at night is when less people are out.

    The thing is I'm a complete loser and I've worn out my welcome here. My sister is moving in soon who I don't get along with (she's very two-faced) and her dick head boyfriend and I can't stand the guy( arrogant and quick to judge). Anybody with social anxiety would under stand this is not a good situation. I love my mother but the rest of the family is just to hard to deal with. So I have two choices either suicide or leave and become homeless because I refuse to live with them. I have no income, no friends to rely on so I'm pretty much screwed.

    I have tried to reconcile with my sister but it never does any good, even after I gave her a gaming computer for christmas last year. Her welfare ran out so that's why she's moving in and even though this guy she's with isn't family he has to come to. Anyway I've tried suicide before like putting a loaded shotgun in my mouth but couldn't pull the trigger and hanging myself, obviously I failed at that.

    Sorry if my post sounds a little crazy I'm just not in a good state of mind.

    Maybe in latter posts I'll talk more about other things going on with me (this not the only thing). I've had depression and suicidal feelings since I was 8 or so.
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I dont think you sound crazy :hug: have u ever looked into disability income? Its what I kinda live off. I cant be around family either for certain reasons and u can get disability for mental illness. Anyway.. I hope things will work out.
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm on disability, too. it's not much but enough for the rent for my own place and groceries and a bus pass each month. i don't need much.

    you just need a psychiatrist to sign the papers for you. it's def. worth looking into.
  4. Dying To Live

    Dying To Live Member

    Thanks for the suggestions. One problem is getting disability can take forever at least here in the states.:(
  5. nbhmty23

    nbhmty23 Member

    Still, try to get disability...In the process, there are several no/low income housing districts in cities all over US.

    You will never be thrown onto the street..never be without a roof over your head.. I promise you , okay ?

    Also, the health department will see you for FREE. They do not refuse anyone. If you just wanted someone to talk to . You are NOT worthless.

    I'm sorry I'm not very good with this. but please know I care. If you need anything, I'm here.

    It will get better. I'm living proof it does. :)
  6. Youth

    Youth Active Member

    Off bat I'd say with something like social anxiety it'd be really really difficult to get a monthly check. However, if you are 36 and still can't quite manage it should be proof enough that your case is very serious. The best city to look into is Minneapolis (where I live). I strongly recommend you look into it. It's a safe place and we have the best medical-psychiatry in the US and better than most of the world.
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hey dying to live I am 59 years old. And I got on disability when I was..... 59 years old. I have social anxiety, depression, and something called avoidant personality disorder. Thats social anxiety on steroids. An intense form of it. I live all alone and I am all alone. anyway, the point is that it is possible to get on disability for anxiety and depression. These were the dx for me.

    I judge myself also. So I am not going to try to tell you not to judge yourself ( you said you are a complete loser). The judgements are not who you are. But I know that theres nothing I can say to convince you of that. I cannot convince myself of that for my own self.

    I tend to be a recluse. Supposedly i am not agoraphobic. But rather a recluse. And my family..... well you can only imagine what they think of me. They are all very high functioning and very socially ept and successful. I am the only one who is like this.

    anyway, you are not alone. Because there are other people who suffer with social anxiety. Please just hang in there. My big mistake is that I did not get good help. eg CBT etc. Things that really work for social anxiety. I have joined a forum for other people who have what I have. They say that the way they get better is to feel the fear but do it anyway. With the help of a good therapist or sponsor if they are in a recovery program.

    There is always hope. Maybe you can look into filling for disability? I did it. And it did work even though everyone thought it would not. It worked. And you are not a complete loser. But I do understand how you can feel that you are. But its not true. I am sorry you are in so much pain. I am all too familiar with depths of pain, isolation and dispair.
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hey. I think that you should take a stand at your mom's home. Your sister's boyfriend has no right to live at your home. Do you pay any rent or help out with chores? Don't let that guy force you to leave your own home. If your sister needs a place to stay then she should stay. He can find his own place. :hug:
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