Not sure what to do..

I feel like ending it right now, <Mod Edit: InmemoryOfYou:Methods> I can't stand this depressed feeling wondering if everyone hates me, feeling as if they do. Feels like all the drugs I've done have ruined my life and there is no coming back. I can barely concentrate or think anymore. I feel just plain retarded and I'm not sure if I even want help...

 

Hi welcome to the forum.

There is something in you that has some hope as you have joined a pro life forum. We can't dicuss methods here as is pro life. But I hope you continue to use the forum for support.

How about you tell us some more.

What has led to this?
Who knows?
What support you have at the moment?
Have you seen anyone about your feelings?

xxx

 

Well you're in the right place if you're uncertain to whether or not you want help. This place is full of support and care. But even better than that, a place where so many others understand fully how and what you're feeling. Do think you could post a little more about how you got to feeling this low? You dont have to battle this alone. Please post, people are here to help :arms:

 

Lots of people know, I've tryed to commit suicide a bunch of times. I just recently started realizing what would have the highest success at doing the trick. I feel mentally retarded from all the drugs I've done. I feel slow and my memory is terrible. Maybe I just need to stop doing drugs for good... I havn't done E or drank since january and my last line of coke was last weekend. I'm on abilify now at 5mg going up to 10 in april. Memories that bother me keep flashing before my eyes triggered at random almost like I'm hallucinating, It's so many things that bother me I don't even know what gets to me the most.

My father died back in November or 07 and I'm in between hating his ass for telling my friend that I wet the bed when I was little and god knows what else while I was having a bad acid trip barley able to concentrate off in my own world. My dad use to spank me when I was little like most people I bet only he did it really hard to me and barely taped my sister and half the time I wouldn't even know or remember the lesson just the anger I felt coming off my dad. It hurt my feelings more then anything that my dad could so such emotion towards me. I started getting along with him before he died I think, he was always working. But things that happened to ya as your growing up are often there for life.

It doesn't feel like I have any support at all.. It feels like I'm all alone. I got a few friends but we're always working and when I see them we're usually getting fucked up or somthing. It doesn't feel like I connect with anyone anymore.

I tryed to see a doctor about it and get him to refer me to a free psychiatrist but instead he prescribed me abilify to try in January starting at 2mg and increased to 5mg now going up to 10mg in April. I'm not very good at talking about my problems anyway. Last time I tryed to see a psychiatrist he said getting answers from me was like pulling teeth. My mind just goes blank..