Not sure what to do

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lostkatie1995, Jul 2, 2011.

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  1. lostkatie1995

    lostkatie1995 Member

    About two years ago, my boyfriend sexually assaulted me. Most of my friends know about this and even though it's caused me to be depressed, there's a secret that has caused me to be even more depressed. Only two people know and I just told them about a month ago. That secret is that my ex-boyfriend also hit me. It's something almost know one knows because I don't want people to know that I was in an abusive relationship and didn't leave. Especially because people see me as the strong, independent girl who doesn't take crap from anyone and tells my friends to dump a guy if he's a jerk. I don't want people to know that I was in a relationship like that and didn't leave. I made that reputation for myself because I don't like being seen as weak. I'm always the strong one. The one who holds everyone else together when they're breaking down. But it's really starting to take a toll on me and make me get even more depressed because I feel like I can't tell anyone or else the whole world will find out, and that is something I am truly terrified of. I came very close to attempting suicide about three or four months ago and I'm starting to consider it again. I don't want to. I really don't. I hate feeling that way, but I can't help it and it's just getting worse and worse. I don't know what to do anymore. My one friend suggested seeing a therapist but in order for me to be able to do that, I would have to ask my parents because I'm only 16. And they would want to know why. I'm not ready to tell them that he used to hit me and I didn't leave him. I feel like they would be ashamed of me and I really can't take that either. It just feels like there's nothing left to do anymore.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Not sure where you are in the world, but hopefully you have a Rape Crisis centre where you are.
    I would ring them and ask for an appointment, there you will be able to talk with someone who will not judge you or tell anyone else.
     
  3. lostkatie1995

    lostkatie1995 Member

    I'm in New Jersey, USA. Even if there is a center near me though, I wouldn't be able to get there because I don't have a license so I would have to ask my parents to bring me and I don't want them knowing anything.
     
  4. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but getting hit isn't a far jump from rape, and actually it is quite the opposite. The two situations are linked together. You need to talk to somebody about it.

    Sweety I'm sure your family would be very understanding. Many women have experienced what you've been through. You say you are afraid of what other people will think about you, but this isn't your fault. Now is not a time to be vane. I wish you the best of luck. You have been holding on to this hurt for a long time and I maybe a therapist can help you move on.
     
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Living in the USA, there should be an organization available to help you confidentially. Look in the community services section of the phone book.

    Don't worry about your friends finding out. They need to know this can happen to anyone, even those who prepare for it. You will do them a favor if you tell them. You will do yourself a bigger favor from the relief you will have of not having to hide it. If anyone is unkind about it, remember that pain in life comes to everyone in one form or another and that they are hiding theirs or have yet to experience it. It is with our experiences that we forge some of our best friendships and support networks.

    Are your parents helpful when you have problems they know about? If so, I would think seriously about giving them the chance to help you now.

    I hope things work out for you. :hug:
     
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