I attempted suicide this November and came fairly close to succeeding. I ended up spending a month in a small town hospital 'volunteer' unit specializing in addiction and short term crisis bedding. I wasn't a volunteer but they said if I left they would call the police. I was put in a place that was not able to help me appropriately and basically just left. I was in a different town and had a different doctor and none of the professionals seeing to me were talking to each other. I got a pass and a drive into my city for a pdoc appointment and she had no idea that I was still there. But after that I did seem to leave fairly quick. Anyway I am sort of rambling. I know I am bipolar but now people keep throwing around more disorders and I don't know what to believe. My brother also had major surgery at the time I was in the hospital. A week after my attempt he was attacked with a tire iron and had to have reconstructive surgery. Then I am out and I am sent to my sisters for a bit and have the Christmas thing with everyone but after my mom ended up in the hospital. She is still there and I think I have put her there. I drove my mom over the edge. Things haven't changed at all accept my sister gets my parents all riled up every once in awhile. I was made to do a drug test, which came back negative, thank god. I am slipping again though and I am afraid to say anything. I wish I was just better and no one would worry about me or get hurt by me. There is just too much pain.