Not sure where I fit in here but....

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by red summer sun, Apr 25, 2010.

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  1. red summer sun

    red summer sun New Member

    My name is Melissa, I'm 24 years old and lost a friend and former roommate to suicide on 2/17/2009.

    This loss has been so profound to me. I'll never forget finding out she had taken her own life. The pain is with me every day. There's no accepting the loss of someone you loved to suicide. Her death, it's possible to accept that, for me. Her suicide is not. I would have moved heaven and earth to help her if i could have.

    But, I am just one of many. Many friends throughout her life who were devastated by the loss of a beautiful person. And i cannot even comprehend the pain her parents feel, nor her younger siblings.

    I've felt a very strong need to help or be there for anyone who needs someone to talk to. I know that's not all suicide is about; simply being there for someone may not make a difference.

    I was not able to be there for Lauren, though, due to certain circumstances. I'm not saying I could have saved her life. But I could have been one more person who was there to listen, and in that way, Perhaps the end of her life could have been a little better. Does that make any sense? But because of a VERY MINOR falling out, I was not there, and I'll never let go of that. I also think of death a lot since she died. I am not suicidal, just oddly obsessed with death (of myself and others), if that makes sense.

    I'm not meaning to sound like a victim here. I'm meaning to say if I can help anyone, ever, through suicidal or depressed feelings, I'll feel like I was able to do something for my friend and I feel it is honoring her memory. So... that's why I'm here. And i'd love to be here to talk if any members need someone to listen. Hope that's ok. sending positive vibes to all.
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    HI Melissa and welcome...
    I think it's a wonderful thing you want to do here but I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend...:hug:
  3. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Hello Melissa and welcome to Sf. I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend, you may find some support here as well as being supportive to others.
    I think often when someone close to us dies we look for and find a reason to blame ourselves or feel we have let that person down.
    Remember the good times you both had together, the smiles, the laughter, don't let "a VERY MINOR falling out" overshadow everything else.

    Take care Hazel
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Hey Melissa, welcome to SF. Your post really stood out to me because I joined SF for the same reason ... I lost someone close to me due to suicide, and so I wanted to reach out and help others. I'm really glad you joined, because this is a place where you can support people, but also where you can make friends that will be there for you too. :hug:
  5. summerschild

    summerschild Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF! I think it is wonderful that you want to help others. I came here originally to get help and now I try to help others. There are a lot of good people here and I know you will make a lot of friends here. But please remember to take care of yourself along the way. It is very easy to get so wrapped up in helping others that we neglect our own health both physical and emotional. If you are running on empty you can't help yourself much less anyone else. Again welcome and if you ever need anything please let me know and I will do all I can to help you. :)
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