I lost my friend last week.. he was 23... smart, good looking, funny and had the world going for him.. he just couldn't see past the cloud of depression that ruled his life. He'd tried to get help, but it wasn't enough..We couldn't save him, he couldn't save himself.. so now he's dead. He's not coming back, he'll never tell us another stupid joke, or laugh with us... he was one of those guys that always took the joke one step too far, he was just that guy you instantly loved. And it hurts. It hurts so much that he's gone. I don’t know what to do. I'm trying to feel, trying to make sense of something so senseless. But I can't. I've just stopped. My world makes no sense anymore. I'm angry with the rest of the world for being so concerned with things that are so trivial and meaningless. I have no motivation to go on. You know the funny thing?.. or perhaps Ironic... the last few weeks have been awful for me.. I wanted to end it all... the night he committed suicide I thought about it too.. but something in me went "no you can get past this"... so I made a decision that night to get help, to go and see someone. Then the next day I get this shitty piece of news. I don't want to die now, but I just don't see the point in going on. I feel like I'm trapped and nothing seems important anymore. Laughter feels hollow and fake, I can't cry anymore because I have no tears, Smiling is impossible and attempting to care about peoples stupid insignificant issues is a waste of my time (ie I couldn't get a car park this morning that kinda crap). I realise the rest of the world goes on even when this stuff happens, and you have to get over it... I just don't know what or how to feel anymore. Part of me is ok, those in my life I truly love I'm there for them you know. I want to help them I want them to be ok, I can't do this again... I can't stop it... I can't predict it. Am I supposed to be angry right now? or sad? I'm confused and so screwed in the head... I don't know what comes next or how to get better. I used to think I had all the answers but now I'm not so sure.