Not sure where to turn

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by mmcree, Jan 23, 2010.

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  1. mmcree

    mmcree New Member


    My name is Michelle and I am not really sure where to turn right now. I have had periods of depression for most of my life. Recently, I began having pre-menopausal symptoms as well. It seems like the hormones are making the depression episodes occur every month and intensives them so very much. They are getting worse and lasting longer. They are going past just the "pms" stage. This month has been the worst so far. I don't know that I am feeling suicidal but I do know that I am getting scared. I don't want to die, but I am not wanting to live either. I feel like, emotionally and mentally, I am fighting for my life and just barely hanging on by a thread. The past few days have got so bad that I even considered checking myself into a hospital but then I keep questioning myself as to why I would do that if I am not feeling suicidal.
    I don't know what to tell my doctor. I don't want to be doped up just to survive. I am a recovering drug addict, been clean for 4 years now, and am afraid to get back on a cycle of drugs - even prescribed medication.
    I am just so tired of it all. I am tired of the crying jags for seemingly no reason. I am tired of fighting to stay strong. I am tired of wondering if I am just feeling sorry for myself or if there is something wrong. I am tired of feeling like this and scared of it too. Right now dying scares the hell out of me. But what scares me even more is possibly reaching the point that it doesn't scare me anymore. That the desire to not live gets stronger than the fear of dying. I pretty much know what is wrong with me, I just don't know how to fix it.

    Thank you for listening and letting me get some of this off my chest.

  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Michelle, Welcome to the forums..You should see your doctor about the menopause.. There could be problems.. Anyhow you have taken the first step to getting some support.. I'm sure you will make friends here who will know more about it than I do..Just basically wanted you to know I am listening.. Take care, Joseph
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Michelle and welcome...I agree that you should talk to your MD about what is going, exercise can also be considered as part of a regime to feeling better...please continue to stay with us and let us know how you are doing...welcome again, big hugs, J
  4. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum. YEs everyone has already given great advice and I just want to reinterate what they are saying.

    Diet and exercise play a HUGE role in our emotions. I have been feeling wonderful when I started eating right and exercising on the Wii fit that I got from Christmas. I have had some lows, don't get me wrong, but not the lows that I have usually experienced.
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Hi and welcome!!
  6. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Welcome to SF. :hug:
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Michelle, welcome to sf :) :hug:
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum Michelle. Don't be afraid to seek medical help for your depression. With your pre-menopausal symptoms much of this could be caused by a hormonal imbalance. I hope you find some relief from the depression.
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