I'm not sure why I'm posting. The reality is that noone who reads this is going to intervene in my life. That's not said to put a guilt trip on other people. But this is an internet forum and its just not going to happen - that's the reality. My mum said the other day that I have family that love me. But if I had been and felt loved I wouldn't have ended up in the situation I'm in today. The reality is that I'm alone in my situation and they are not going to say that I can live with them, or move back. I spend most of the time on my own and to avoid feeling alone I spend mosst of that time on the internet. It works for a while, but I think the realisation is here that this laptop isn't a real person and I've never met anyone online who lives anywhere near me for friendship. It must be something about human nature that keeps you reaching out, that makes you keep on trying, and keep on posting, over and over again. Perhaps that's the will to live. I'm thinking of planning another OD. I'm a bit wary because of trying before and what happened. I wish it could be just a case of going to sleep and drifting off. I have no way out.