Hey yo readers,
I don't really know why I'm writing right now, but I just think I have to express my feelings right now or so.
So, how do I start?
I'm feeling really sad and angry right now, which is a bit messed up and so, mabye I have to explain it...
After my hospital stay a few weeks ago, I still feel like a mess. Like it's okay to kill myself sometimes...
The thing is, my counsler got a bit angry at me, because she said it was my own fault I'm feeling like I feel now,
like, I have to be positive and it will get better, but hell...
That's just not right!
It's not that I don't want it to be better (Yeah, like I want to be in pain or what?) but right now I just can't stay positive.
I hate it when people tell me I'm feeling bad because I don't want it to be better.
But that's not the best part...
She told me I can't talk to my friends or so anymore because I could be a burden or so...
I just hate it that everyone tells me abput their problems, boyfriends or a fight with parents, and I can't!
Because I'm a burden...
That's just making everything worse, because I have to act happy again (I'm the classclown...) and just say, yay I'm okay!
That's just not right.
I can't help feeling bad, I have a messed up childhood, okay? That's not something anyone could forget and be all happt about...
Like, oh yeah, I'm so happy that my dad beat me up, touched me and almost killed me several times, yay, best time of my life...
That's just not fair.
The one time I cry or I'm weak and they just turn their backs on me...
And I want to tell my friend about but I can't, because I am a burden which just makes me hate myself even more...
At least one good thing...I stopped cutting...yay...and I wanna do it but...yeah...I try...
I don't really know why I'm writing right now, but I just think I have to express my feelings right now or so.
So, how do I start?
I'm feeling really sad and angry right now, which is a bit messed up and so, mabye I have to explain it...
After my hospital stay a few weeks ago, I still feel like a mess. Like it's okay to kill myself sometimes...
The thing is, my counsler got a bit angry at me, because she said it was my own fault I'm feeling like I feel now,
like, I have to be positive and it will get better, but hell...
That's just not right!
It's not that I don't want it to be better (Yeah, like I want to be in pain or what?) but right now I just can't stay positive.
I hate it when people tell me I'm feeling bad because I don't want it to be better.
But that's not the best part...
She told me I can't talk to my friends or so anymore because I could be a burden or so...
I just hate it that everyone tells me abput their problems, boyfriends or a fight with parents, and I can't!
Because I'm a burden...
That's just making everything worse, because I have to act happy again (I'm the classclown...) and just say, yay I'm okay!
That's just not right.
I can't help feeling bad, I have a messed up childhood, okay? That's not something anyone could forget and be all happt about...
Like, oh yeah, I'm so happy that my dad beat me up, touched me and almost killed me several times, yay, best time of my life...
That's just not fair.
The one time I cry or I'm weak and they just turn their backs on me...
And I want to tell my friend about but I can't, because I am a burden which just makes me hate myself even more...
At least one good thing...I stopped cutting...yay...and I wanna do it but...yeah...I try...