Not sure..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lorax, Nov 10, 2013.

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  1. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I don't know anymore. I feel so trapped..

    I'm so happy, so stress free, so optimistic, i'm able to interact like a 'normal' person. I feel so detached from all my problems. I even face painful memories, and just shut them off..

    I don't know wether to toss it to 'mania'
    Or it's spiritual enlightening..
    Or dissociation..
    Or i simply flipped my depression..

    I don't want to face a come-down from this.. I'm so tired of the mood switches. Slightly stressed trying to unpack, get a job, everything else. My family is still treating me like i'm three.

    If it's spiritual fulfillment, i'd rather die in a state of transcendence. If it's mania, why face getting depressed right when i have work/ect starting? If it's detachment, it's not really worth living in a pseudo reality.

    Then of course my autism spectrum issues. I can hear the slightest sounds, that drive me to fury. Or that keep me up all night.. Then i flip my sh** on people.

    The problem is.. I feel like i can't. I want to live for my family. For certain other people.. It would devastate some people.. Which i don't want. Yet i keep hurting everyone in life too..

    Lets just see where this goes.. Spiritual awakening, or my grave. Actually i don't want to be buried.
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    well normal life is about fluctuation of the mood, so you will have bad days and good days, nothing lasts forever as they say, but maybe you can prepare for when you do get down? maybe plan things so that when you feel down you do those things?

    I know with depression I have my high and low moments, everytime I would go low I'd remembered what happened when I was really low and be afraid of going through that, it took me a while, through telling myself that tomorrow will get better, that I eventually didn't freak out about the bad days...I still have them, and I still freak out but less, I try to catch myself when I start to get too negative...

    all of this to say hang in there and plan good things for when you fall down...maybe that will make it better? :)
  3. Maedchen

    Maedchen Well-Known Member

    Dear Lorax,

    I hope it is love, true love.

    Maedchen. :redrose:
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    no. its none of those. its good that you mentioned that you want to live for your family. that's why we exist. for others, even if you are causing them pain, no one is perfect. they'd rather have you around. and don't say that you can't, because you can.
  5. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I guess it's been decided on. I really have to, not that i want to.

    In the words of every anime:
    "It can't be helped"
  6. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Lorax, your mood swings might be more under control if you get on mood stabilizers. Just a suggestion....
  7. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    I tried, i'm one of the rare cases that they make me feel like a suicidal zombie unfortunately.

    I guess, it can't be helped
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