I don't know anymore. I feel so trapped.. I'm so happy, so stress free, so optimistic, i'm able to interact like a 'normal' person. I feel so detached from all my problems. I even face painful memories, and just shut them off.. I don't know wether to toss it to 'mania' Or it's spiritual enlightening.. Or dissociation.. Or i simply flipped my depression.. I don't want to face a come-down from this.. I'm so tired of the mood switches. Slightly stressed trying to unpack, get a job, everything else. My family is still treating me like i'm three. If it's spiritual fulfillment, i'd rather die in a state of transcendence. If it's mania, why face getting depressed right when i have work/ect starting? If it's detachment, it's not really worth living in a pseudo reality. Then of course my autism spectrum issues. I can hear the slightest sounds, that drive me to fury. Or that keep me up all night.. Then i flip my sh** on people. The problem is.. I feel like i can't. I want to live for my family. For certain other people.. It would devastate some people.. Which i don't want. Yet i keep hurting everyone in life too.. Lets just see where this goes.. Spiritual awakening, or my grave. Actually i don't want to be buried.