Not sure . . .

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Roseannadanna, Jan 17, 2014.

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  1. Roseannadanna

    Roseannadanna Member

    If my situation is a full-blown crisis. I've been thinking for some time now about killing myself. And I think I've almost stock-piled enuf meds to succeed, but apparently the success rate isn't high; I don't want to end up a vegetable. If I tell Pdoc I've been self medicating, he'll terminate me as a patient until I attenda dual- diagnosis program. And if tell him of my thoughts, he's very likely to send me to ER. I don't know whether to tell or just wait for the rest of my drugs and do it. I can't really justify these feelings. I don't have a bad life, I've just become bored with myself and others and I've lost interest in life. Is that so horrible (outside of any organized religious beliefs)? I'm not interested in drums school or group therapy. I just want someone to hear me when I say it's my choice.
     
  2. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    ok so its only bored with whats around you or available now?

    so maybe something TOTALLY different is needed to fill your time.

    as example i went from being in business selling vehicles. had divorce come along and also didnt like the dark place i was in. so i started helping out with homeless youngsters charity. then went on to adults . some with drug or alcohol issues.

    result....much much more rewarding way of life!!!
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    get rid of your drugs ok talk to your pdoc so doc can helpyou get out of the darkness your in
     
  4. Roseannadanna

    Roseannadanna Member

    Thank you, mark B for your suggestion that I think about changing aspects of my life. Just having hard time mustering up any interest to do anything. And, total Eclipse, thank you, too, but there is Judy no way I can discuss with Pdoc. I'll either be in this zoned out funk looking for a new Pdoc (hard to find good ones) or in ER to start a stay in a locked ward. Dying would just end all this madness; years of therapy and psycho- pharm drugs that I'm not even sure I true: constant search for therapists. I'm just so tired of this and since self-medicating clans me more than anything else, and since, in my experience it's much easier to detox from compared to atypical antipsychotics, mood stabilizers and anti seizure meds, I'm really at my wits end. I'm not much use to anyone at this stage and do feel suicide is a viable and valid method!
     
  5. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    how are things for you a couple days on?
     
  6. Roseannadanna

    Roseannadanna Member

    OK, I guess. Thanks for asking. I seem to be at the other end of the spectrum now; very hypomania and unable to concentrate, which is causing me some problems completing some work I have to get done; reading reams of somewhat arcane lega information and write a 2,000-word article by end of week. Finding that sweet spot with medication is always so tricky ...
    How are you doing?
     
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