not sure

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by beaner13, Apr 27, 2016.

  1. beaner13

    beaner13 New Member

    I keep having the words of my mother in the back of my head, suck it up and get on with it. I have tried to do that my whole life, I can't seem to do that and that makes me feel like more of a failure than I already am. I have wasted 25 yrs of my life. And I'm alone witha very hurtful mother, a dead alcoholic father, no friends, no money, no husband, no children and no self worth. I am a good, honest, hard working, loving person who just wants a to be loved and I want a dog.
  2. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    Hey there,

    I am sorry for the situation you are in, getting on with unpleasant things without getting support or at least venting is so hard, so don't blame yourself if you think you cannot do it.
    Could you explain some more? Do you have any friend with whom you can talk about this? how about talking to a professional? How about things related to money? Could you get a job, or are you working now?
    As you said you are good person and you do deserve good things. I do wish you strength to go through tough times and things get better and better.
    Write more about yourself and take care [big hugs for you]
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, and welcome to the forum.

    Those 'voices' can really be damaging. I struggle with the same; and really it's not helpful. I've talked to my past therapist about it, and I practically adapted all her negativity. One thing I was advised to do still feels silly, but it works somehow... is to look at myself in the mirror when those words start playing in my head and say "Shut up mum!"

    You are not a failure. That's another thing I learned about that voice. It lies.

    Have you ever had any counseling or therapy to help you with all of this?
    It's not too late to find someone who can love you, but one thing that helps that along is learning to love yourself and silence your mother's twisted views of you.

    Please be kind to yourself. You deserve it!
  4. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    You said it all in one sentence. You ARE a good, honest, hard working, loving person. This your motto to use to silence the voice. And when you do that voice is going to scream louder. You just calmly repeat. Soon enough the voice will realize it cannot beat you and will give up.

    Self compassion is a hard thing to learn, mostly because it causes you pain. It seems weird, that loving and caring for yourself would do that to you. But the more you practice the less painful it becomes.

    I did not seek out help until I was 44 years old. I knew that I felt different than other people starting in the 3rd grade. My point is, it is never too late to help yourself build a life you deserve.

    Walk some shelter dogs until you can get one on your own. Plus its a great way to meet people around the neighborhood
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi beaner, is there any reason you cannot get a dog? We often focus on our negative qualities when there are so many positive qualities that could be focused on. You have said yourself that yourself that you are a good honest loving person. Have you tried meeting new people? Have you any friends, please tell us more about yourself and we will try and help :)