Not that anyone gives a fuck.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Spikey, Jul 16, 2008.

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  1. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    So ok, I haven't slept. It's ten to nine in the morning and I haven't slept. I was in a good mood though. Everything was okay. Till she got up. She's come downstairs, and I dared commit the henious crime of leaving one fucking cup in the sink. One fucking cup. She's started fucking yelling and screaming at me. I asked her what I did, as I was baffled. Then she's started going on about "all that washing up in the sink". One cup. Now please bear in mind that when I woke her up at 8am - I had to, as we have got kitchen people coming today anytime from 8am to 1pm - I did tell her "Mum, there is one cup in the sink." So anyway, I've just said to her, "Mum, it's one fucking cup and I told you about it when I woke you up." So then she's started going on asking me what I fucking did, how useless I was, that I should just fuck off because nobody wanted to see my fucking fat ugly face. This isn't just a one off, I get it every fucking single day. When I then told her when she's said all this that I hadn't done anything, she came up to me and I had to stop her from putting her fucking hands around my throat. I've done nothing wrong!!! I am so sick and tired of it, especially as when she is at work for 12 hours on monday tuesday and friday, I do everything. I go to the shops. I clean the house. I look after the dogs. I go and see her mother (my nan). I've even done the fucking *huge* step yesterday (some of you may know what has happened here, some may not) of having to make an effort to contact my dad because we literally have nothing in the house, no dog food, no cigarettes, no electricity on the meter until friday. We have a pound till friday, which has to go on dog food. No food doesn't bother me though. So yesterday I had to send a text to my dad asking if he could help us out with a few quid. She's just let this go right over her head, even though it is a massive deal for me because I hate the man to the core. I am so sick of her treating me like a load of shit and putting me down at every oppertunity. I wish I'd never been born. I wish I was dead. She acts all nicey nicey whenever my friends meet her, whenever we have people staying, she's always up their arses and all smiles, and they tell me how awesome she is but they just don't know what it's like. I'm sitting here in tears, hyperventalating and on the verge of having a panic attack. We have a lot of pills in our cupboard to take but I can't go downstairs. I've only got about twenty minutes battery life on my computer and I just don't know what to do....
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Can you find another place to stay? That household is too volatile for you to live in. I've seen you're pic sweets, you are not fat nor ugly. She seems to throw out every childish insult she can think of just to beat you down. She obviously has issue with herself and is insecure so she beats you down to make herself feel better. You are not worthless and you are a beautiful person. You deserve to be alive. Always remember that karma is a bitch hun and when her time comes she shall reap what she sows.

    MSN if you need :hug:
  3. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    :hug: cheers for the reply kellz :hug: means a lot to me :hug:
  4. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    Hey Spikey :hug:

    I think i know what you mean, at least about with having my mom freak about about everything i do 'wrong", while ignoring the fact that there's so much i do to help out. She also acts soooo nice around others, but around me she'll just call me a bitch, ****, ugly, fat, snotnosed brat, pretty much anything she can come up with. she knows that i struggle with self image, and i just can't understand why she'd do something like that when all i ever do is give her compliments. But yh, what Kanani said, she shall reap what she sows. =)
  5. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    You do not deserve this treatment sweetheart. YOu are amazing and this is so shit. You have been so strong...apply to the council for help.

    I give a fuck



  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry your mom is only seeing what she sees as the negatives about you. You do not deserve to be on the receiving end of that. I can't help but think she must feel stressed, too. I am not excusing her, but maybe adding a little insight to her behaviour. She is lucky to have a daughter that is willing to do as much as you do while she is at work. I know you do your best and when it is overlooked, it hurts. Would it be possible for the two of you to sit down and talk things through without either of you getting angry? I hope things get worked out so you can both be happy. Take care Mel. :hug:
  7. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Melleh! :hug:
    That really isn't a healthy environment for you to live in, it sounds very detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.
    Your mom isn't being fair at all to you.
    You know if you ever need to get away from it, my door is always open. I know it's a fairly longish train ride away but you're welcome to come stay however long you like chuck.
    Just don't do anything stupid, i'd miss you like crazy hun.
  8. needanangel

    needanangel New Member

    I went through that same situation years ago. I really didn't care if my mom lived or died. She treated me like such shit and my dad would just ignore everything she did or said. I ran away but was sent back. I learned to block her out, made myself not feel anything. That's why I can't feel anything today.

    You will get out. Concentrate on plans on how to accomplish that as soon as possible. You'll be on your own and can live in peace and quiet without the bitching every second of the day. If you can get a job, any kind of job (I swept floors as my first job) start putting money away. Don't take it out for any reason except to look at it and think about the time you will be leaving.

    But, sweetie, don't end up like me, not being able to feel anything, shutting everyone out. It became a habit before I knew what I had done. I know now that my mother suffered her own demons and didn't mean to take them out on me. But it has affected me for 30 years and I shouldn't have let it go this long. Get some help starting now. Do you have any kind of counseling you can go for? It will help you deal with your current situation but also keep you from becoming a robot like me.

    You strike me as being such a kind person. No funds but you say that what little you have will go for the dog food. You put them before yourself and not many would do that. Know that you have special qualities and no one can take those away. Esp not with words.
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