not that you give a shit anyways

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lilly, Oct 2, 2011.

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  1. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    But thats the point isnt it? that nobody gives a shit?
    cuz nobody does.
    Im just here....alone
    My boyfriend doesnt even want to see me anymore.
    My mother is too wrapped up in her own life to NOTICE me.
    My entire college hates me.
    Cat calls and making im back in highschool again or..worse elementry.
    no maturity whatsoever. idk why i even want to have any of them as friends.
    but i do.
    Im lonely.
    and sad.
    and i give up
    i always thought my life would change
    and its not...thats clear.
    Ill always be the same loser....loner...not good enough for anybody.
    Even you dont like me.....and who am i talking to? interenet....ppl ive never met....and im not good for here either.
    i dont belong....anywhere..
    Except in a box...under the ground i suppose....
    i hope it doesnt hurt too much.
  2. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I used to feel that way too while in college. Now that I've been out of school for 20 plus years, I miss it. I'm in bad times. I wish I could go back to those simple years.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Lilly
    I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain right now. Your self esteem seems to be really low, perhaps you should consider counselling to help build it up or read some self help books, you're not invisible..don't try to convince yourself you are.
    Give your mother a call and tell her how you're feeling, you might be surprised that she does infact take notice.
  4. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    ya, I've had those thoughts.
    This is the internet and ya, I've thought I could disappear and nobody here or anywhere would know or miss me.
    But in reality, we are as real as you and I can speak for myself and say I would think about you, even not knowing who you are and I would wonder if you are okay.
    I can't reach out more than through my typing right now but please hang around. People care. I wish there were more in real life and maybe that will come in the future if not right now.
    I know, you need it too :( It sucks.

    I care and please come here and chat and let the people here show you that we are real. the words and thoughts are genuine
  5. zmonkey

    zmonkey Member


    True, I'm just another nameless, faceless person on the Internet. True, I will never know exactly what you're going through and how much it hurts. But it's also true that I care. It's true that I suffer from depression like you. It's also true that I think more often than I would like about taking my own life. Not everything is a lie, Lilly, and not everyone is false, mean, or oblivious. I will tell you what I tell myself every day: Give it a chance, give it LOTS of chances, and if life lets you down, then acknowledge it and move on, because life can be VERY rewarding, as long as you're willing to keep believing it can be

  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Are people on the telephone real?

    I mean that's a form of communication - and in the past - if you had a job you might use the phone and actually get to know people you had not met.

    And - if you spoke often enough would wonder what they looked like also.

    And you'd gradually know a LOT about their lives - just talking a few minutes most days.

    Years ago - sometimes people got a misdial - someone phoned - and rare though it is - an attraction could form - rare - but not that rare!

    Ideally we would all meet each other in real life - I'd like to meet quite a few people here - many sadly are too far away to just hop on a bus!

    But - we are real people - like you - with hopes and dream - with issues, meds perhaps - therapy maybe - and so on.

    As for your boyfriend - better off without him - you miss the concept of having someone - and pressure to fit in - well as for catcalls - complain if it gets too personal. Not sure what you mean exactly - what is being called - if its women being catty- forget them - they ought to be studying and likely think they are grown up for dating sleazebags and getting drunk.

    they are immature - more so if they use cat calling to demean you in a nasty way - or maybe this is normal for your peer group and social group.

    But people do give a sh**

    People here who feel ok enough to make a reply that might inspire - they do not have to do this - and if nobody gave a sh** we would type 'suicide' onto a search engine and end up on a website on which people would agree that nobody gave a sh** - and likely call for anyone suicidal to do it.

    I understand how you feel though - we all want to be accepted by our own peer group - but being a young adult you also have your own intellectual needs and that's not being met with catcalls.

    Losing a lover - its easy to get negative and imagine they left because your no good- but that is silly - and needless.

    Just because someone does not fall in love with you does not mean they do not give a sh**. Well - maybe this one did - but if so he has gone now - and you live and learn. You just take things slower next time and get to know a man for a fair bit of time.

    School and college is not forever plus you can study - people will leave you be if your bookish - or serious about study. I don't back-chat people who are engrossed in study.

    good luck and hope you do not do something rash.
  7. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    i didnt mean to make anyone feel like i was saying they werent real with my comment...
    I know youre all real and important.
    I just meant that when I (or anyone) posts on here, it goes out into cyber space and some people could read it and care or no one could notice it...
    I meant the only place that I can turn is to people I've never met before and who I more than likely wont meet
    I totally worded it wrong before.
    I'm sorry.
    I know you are real and important and beautiful people......sometimes my words are interpreted wrong....
    im sorry if i offended anyone because thats not the way that I meant it..
    i guess I really dont belong here after all :(
  8. zmonkey

    zmonkey Member

    Don't worry, Lilly, I wasn't offended at all, sorry if my tone came off a little "strong." I didn't mean it like that. I just wanted to assure you that we're not here because we want to trick you or make you feel worse. We really do understand a lot of what you're going through, in our own way of feeling it, of course, and we do want you to be here, with us, trying to sort through it all.
  9. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Hi Lilly,
    I'm sorry you are feeling so down and that you are feeling so alone too :(
    Believe me- I know both those feelings. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
    I really hope you get to feeling better. :hugtackles:
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