I'm not at risk of suicide really. But I think about doing it in the future if my life doesn't improve. I feel like i've told myself it's gonna get better a million times and it never does. I feel like there are lies that society puts out that are actually facts but only for a small number of people. Here's what I mean: College is so much fun you just get drunk every weekend and xxx and party. ^^^^that's true for a small percentage of the population who get into good schools or party schools. The majority of the population do not. Another one: You will be rich just like us one day! ^^^^ another lie the rich people tell who want to keep the system that only benefits them and 1% of the population so they don't get taxed or keep people living their shitty lives and feeding them money. I don't even want to be rich so i don't give a shit about that. I'm just using it as an example. What am saying is that I don't think most people can follow their dreams. I think following your dreams is the biggest lie i've ever heard. Their are so many roadblocks that society puts up for stuff in the military and graduate school (two things I want to do) that only a very very small percentage of the population qualify at the end of the day. But maybe i'm wrong idk. Ok here's my next issue that actually does make me want to kill myself one day: xxx never like me and i've never gotten them to like me. I am attractive though but I just cannot get in bed with them or even a date. Just makes me feel so awkward and I just want to laugh because I bet any xxx that looked at me would not think that so I just laugh about it sometimes but other times it makes me feel so unwanted or unneeded or I feel like I just don't have the right personality.