not wanting 2 go back 2 a destructive relationship..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by mandyj101, Aug 20, 2009.

  1. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hi all.. i just wondered if any1 had any ideas on how i could deal with something..

    basically a few years ago i had a pretty destructive relationship with a guy..i thought we were in love and all.. but the truth was we just feuled each others drinking.. he is a wealthy guy and we never had 2 worry about money or anything.. so we would just sit everyday in his flat drinking togerther.. unlike me - he had familly and friends.. so he would often go out.. and leave me in the flat - he would make sure i had enough drink and food.. would buy me clothes and things.. i thought i was happy.. but my anxiety just got worse and the depression.. i couldnt leave the flat at all after a while..
    it was like - although he had a drinking problem aswel - he knew it was my weakness.. so as long as he kept alcohol in the flat.. he knew i would stay there.. he was never violent.. but it was like he had a power over me.. i relied upon him 4 everything.. he didnt want me 2 work.. said he would take care of me.. said i didnt need friends.. as i had him..
    he was asian..his family religous..and was older than me.. he never introduced me 2 his family or friends.. it was like i was his pet hiding in the flat.. its hard 2 explain..
    the relationship ended when i found out he was sleeping with other ppl.. he denied it.. said it was me being paranoid.. and convinced me i was at 1 point.. but i knew deep down it was true so i somehow managed 2 move out..
    anyhows i havent seen him 4 quite a while.. and on my birthday he left gifts outside my house.. dont get me wrong they are really nice.. but i dont want 2 accept them or have him back in my life.. it would be so easy 2 go back 2 him.. im pretty lonely and i cant leave the house so things would be easier 4 me.. but i dont want things 2 go back 2 how they were..
    he keeps calling now.. and leaving messages making me feel guilty 4 not contacting him.. im not sure what 2 say 2 him.. he has a way with words and im scared that if i start talking 2 him again he will lure me back..
    sorry this is long..
    if any1 has any advice on what i shud do i wud be greatful xx

  2. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    It sounds like there are a lot of bad points and few good ones about the relationship you had with him. Fueling drinking, not allowing you to have friends, not introducing you to his family and him possibly cheating on you. That isn't a healthy relationship, you're a wonderful person who deserves to be treated better. Can you block his number? :hug:
  3. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    mels right mandy. the guys a jerk. trust me, im a guy. hes no good for you. you could do so much better than a sleazebag like him. i know its not probably gonna be much help, but if you ever want a guys opinion just ask. :hug: hope youll be ok?
  4. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    try to tell him what you just shared with us... about him fueling your drinking, etc...
    tell him you don't want to go back to those old habits...

    than you're clear about things, and he'll know why you probably don't want him back...
    then he might stop calling you/leaving behind messages as well =)
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 25, 2009
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No i would ssay no to any contact with this guy at all. He is using you for his own pleasures. You deserve so much better really. No phone calls No emailing nothing don't accept anything from this guy as any feed backto him will be looked at as you want him back. You need to get positvie people around you someone who will support you in staying healthy not a control freak someone who feeds your weaknesses not your strengths. Mandy please leave the presents outside don't return any of his msg and if he continues to bothr you ask police to politely tell him to stop harrassing you.
    Time for you to get someone better who truly cares about you emotionally as well. Okay done now but i know this type guy not good news take care and say No No No
  6. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear that he was cheating on you.