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not wanting a tommorow

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Vampira.Book, Jan 28, 2008.

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  1. Vampira.Book

    Vampira.Book Well-Known Member

    before you beg me to stay, to try to talk this out, before you tell me that nothing is bad enough to go to this extreme over, before you tell me I was 100% right when I said it gets better with time. Listen to me, I am SICK of riding this rollercoaster I call life! I am a danger to my 2 kids and everyone around me, I don't want to hurt them anymore and the only way their pain can be prevented is if I am out of the picture. I long to be the "good mom" and the "perfect friend" but when I try, people only get hurt! So before you begin trying to help me, consider the other people who deserve to be rid of me.
  2. Sophie

    Sophie Member

    I don't know anything about you as I am new here, but I have just read your post and understand that you are feeling desperate and unhappy right now. You mentioned that you have children, so they must be worth living for. I'm sure that whatever is happening in your life right now you wouldn't want your kids to grow up without their mother? I'm sorry I don't know more about your situation, please try to be strong.
  3. Vampira.Book

    Vampira.Book Well-Known Member

    they'd never remember me. they're both a month old
  4. Sophie

    Sophie Member

    They still wouldn't want to learn that their mum killed herself when they were just babies. Think of your children, they will get you through.
  5. Vampira.Book

    Vampira.Book Well-Known Member

    I'm only going to end up hurting them.
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Your children need you, even if you're not a perfect mom. They would rather have you here than not at all.
  7. Sophie

    Sophie Member

    Yes, I agree with Dave. Please think about the children, it's not fair of them to grow up without a mum. You are worth so much to them.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Your kids needs you, even if you don't feel they do, please don't harm yourself, hang on , we are here for you :hug:
  9. Uncertain

    Uncertain New Member

    Hi Vampira.Book,

    Like Sophie, I'm also new here and I don't know you as well. As a father of a 5 year old, I can tell you that kids have so much joy in their lives knowing that they have parents. You may not realize at this moment in time, but you are special to your kids. Yes, they can't talk yet to say how much they love you yet, but when they start getting to the ages of drawing pictures, sharing their holloween candy and making you laugh by putting on grandma's wig on their heads that perhaps there's another way. Stay strong. Things always look so much worse than what they really are.

    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

    hey hun

    you are not going to win on this one lol
    as ple have been saying here; kids; your kids need you
    the problem is not wanting to die I guess; the problem is self confidence
    You cannot be self confident after what you ve been through
    working on these issues is key thing and yeah its gonna take lots of time in the roller coster that is life
    the fact that you actually think about kids so much about ending it or not clearly shows that theres FEAR AND LOVE
    those kind of feelings are so humane; are so normal when you ve been having harsh issues and a haunting past
    Dont make the mistake; and yeah i think suicide in ur case would be a mistake; to mistake this fear and love for a disgusting image of yourself
    Being a mom no matter what our situation is the best gift a woman can have
    Im not a mom myself but I know that its about gift of life and the greatest achievement of all
    as we women are able to bring one unique person with our own genes and flesh
  11. Vampira.Book

    Vampira.Book Well-Known Member

    I don't know if I am sure about what y'alls are saying, but I see it as I'm just going to be just like my parents were. And my kids deserve more than that. They deserve a mother who loves them and herself, a mom who's not going to drink infront of them (I'm trying desperately to quit), who'll sit and watch children's movies with out breaking down into tears and crying because those movies just hurt that badly. They deserve a dad, something I can't provide them with. And they NEED a mom who's not a child herself.
  12. Raeien

    Raeien Member

    Things might seem black now, but thing will get better, u think they will be better off without you, they wont. When they grow older they will think about you all the time, or picture how life could be if u been there. trust me, they need you
  13. Uncertain

    Uncertain New Member

    I thought I would be a horrible parent when my son was barely a toddler. Being depressed, diagnosed with BiPolar II and trying treaments that only made my rage worse, I feared of killing my family and then myself. With the help of a therapist & a new phychiatrist & drug, I was able to reconnect with my son and see him grow to this cool kid that he his. You make it. Give yourself a break. One step at a time, no pressure. We're here and you can lean on us as you go.
  14. Vampira.Book

    Vampira.Book Well-Known Member

    Just letting you all know that (sadly) I still have a pulse
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