Let me begin my sob story. I know that I am not supposed to post anything that may be too revealing about myself, and I'm hoping what I'm about to say is alright. I am 19 years old and contemplating suicide for the second time in my life. The first time was when I was 14 and was going through a really hard time with a group of girls who were relentlessly bullying me. I had resorted to cutting myself, but my parents found out before I could do any more harm. But, now...I feel that I am more likely to actually go through with it. I just finished my first year of college and I screwed it up royally because I didn't take it seriously. I feel like everything is just falling apart and since I'm not a kid anymore, no one will want to help me out. I've lost my loan and have been suspended from my school for the fall. I think everything started going downhill even before the first semester even started. I found out that I didn't score high enough on my math placement test and had to be put in remedial math. Before that, I was so proud of myself because I had actually passed the test and I am seriously not good at math. AT ALL. Then it was just like a slap in the face. I did good...just not good enough. I have already resorted to cutting again but not very often. I take pain killers to make myself numb (so cliche, i know). I abuse illegal drugs and drink a lot. My parents have noticed that I'm showing signs of depression but I refuse to say that I am depressed. I keep pushing people away and isolating myself. I know I shouldn't do it, but I just can't stop. I don't know what to do. Everything is just not going well.