not wishing to misspost

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by whytryanymore, Mar 21, 2011.

  1. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    ok so i just found out today that my dad has several tumors in and around his cerebellum and spinal cord. the docs say basically every option only gives him 1 to 2 weeks at best with the exception of the one that makes him a vegetable that one gives him 6mo.
    so i mean what am i sposed to feel i mean i know i should be sad but then again im not i know this will change in a few weeks but still at this moment in time its not that i dont care its more or less the fact that i just dont know how or what to feel knowing that my dads death is soo iminent
    i mean sure may not have had the best childhood with him(that i remember) but then again who has perfect parents? idk i think i just wanted to tell someone that my dad was going to die in a week or so *dunno
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I get where you're coming from. When I'm told something really bad, it's like my emotions freeze or something, I never know what to feel and so there are times I don't feel much at all.
     
  3. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Oh hon I am so sorry to hear this, but as WildCherry said, you are not alone in how you feel. It's understandable that you don't know how to feel, but every one is different. Everyone reacts differently to bad news. I'm thinking of you. You know where I am if you need to talk. :hug:
     
  4. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    thank you both for your responses they are greatly appreciated, however i have felt this way before it is coming back now dont remember quite why but i went numb as a survival mechanism i think this is the best way to survive this atm i still feel down and all but mor or less just numb. once again thank you very much for your replies

    oh and lost its good to hear from you again :hugtackles:
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Our mind will do that to protect us shut down refuse to feel In time it will go out of shock mode into emotional feelings everyone is different I hope you can reach out now and get some support to help you through the difficult times to come hugs
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    sounds like you're in shock..protection against the pain..
    I hope you are able to grab every moment you can with your father to cherish in the future.
    take care of yourself as well hon...*hug*
     
  7. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    i am doing what i can and spending as much time with him as i can but i have other responsibilities as well and just saying that makes me feel like a horrible person i mean my father is dying in the hospital and i have "more important things to do". i mean i know thats not how it is and he understands that i have to take care of my dog and have to go to work and such but i still feel bad about leaving and not being ther. i also notice that i am acting and behaving very inapropriately cuz im not sitting there asking him how things are and whats going on with treatment im just sorta bsing with him and my siblings im not showing any visible signs of sadness or remorse or pain or anything its just like i dont care. and ive already said here that i want it all to be over already, and i feel like total shit for saying that and even worse for believing it, but i just want to start moving foreward but i cant until its over. and now im stuck in a loop that just makes me feel worse but nothing at the same time witch starts a whole new loop and then its back to the first loop :sigh:
    i am just stuck in a loop for now i spose
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you are not knowing what to say what to do IT is so hard watching a love one suffer decline right before our eyes It is hard i understand that All you can do is be there okay hold his hand if he unconscious put music on for him as sound will be soothing to him You want his suffering to stop you want finalization i get that ido i Just hope you and your family can holdon to each other through the sadness okay Do not judge you so hard okay everyone deals with death in their own way especially impending death of someone so close to you. Hugs to you:hugtackles:
     
  9. twc

    twc Well-Known Member

    that is really sad. what a difficult, traumatic thing to go through. it is very common for people to go numb or not respond emotionally right away to very bad news...i have done it myself. sometimes i feel like a robot. just take things slowly and let yourself be a human being. have compassion for yourself just as you have compassion for your dad.

    best wishes.
     
  10. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    thank you all very much for your support all of you
     
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :console::hug:
     
  12. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    ok so at this moment im in the hospital staying with my father and all i can think about is how much i want to stand on the edge of the building. not to jump i dont want to kill myself i just for some strange reason wish to stand on the edge of the building it scares me that i am thinking this especially since i have no idea as to why i have this desire to stand on the edge i just want to. i am not able to access chat in the hospital since the content filter blocks the addonchat. im sorry for anyone who is woried especially since i am not able to do so and wouldnt if i were i just feel i needed to tell someone and since i cant tell my father or the nurses here i must confide in you all plz dont worry or be worried i am fine and will continue to live. thank you all very much for your support
     
  13. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I think everything you've said is normal...No one acts exactly the same in such situations. In some ways, your having to take care of your own normal daily stuff and not dwelling completely on "How are you dad? How are you doing?" could be a good thing in your father's mind. He already knows (and all of you also know) his end is near. Maybe he appreciates hearing about things other than his illness and imminent demise? I dunno.

    You're feeling weird and badly for wishing it could all just be over - but I think that is quite normal, too. My mom died a long death from cancer and its complications. Her last three weeks were difficult for her and for the rest of us. The doctors told us every day for 18 days that her death was "any time now." It was so stressful feeling like we were hovering and just waiting for the sad and inevitable to happen. It was hard to think that this was the last times we'd have with her. And she was so ill and the visits so hard for all of us that, yes, we were feeling that we just wanted it over...It was a relief when it did end, which is not to say we weren't sad and grief-stricken. We were. It was just so damned hard to see her sicker and sicker and to know that it would not get better.

    Sorry. Didn't mean to go on there. I'm just hoping you'll see that you're not alone in your confused feelings, sweetie. I'm so very sorry that you're having to go through this. If you need an ear, PM me.

    :hug:
    A.