note **rant**

I wish to die.
I ask myself, where would I be if I stopped trying? completely let go of the fight.

I see myself being dragged along the road by a rope attached to a car, whilst feeling content that punishment is bieng administered fairly. What I want sickens me sometimes. because it goes against the words that I speak.

Everyday, every new beginning, I see people moving on in life, taking their chances, doing what comes naturaly to them whilst I feel left in the cold as my heart refuses to co-operate.

I remedy this situation by seeking refuse to a place in my mind called the big cheese. upon which I frolic around all namby pamby like sometimes. Other times I will be a scarecrow, this leads me nicely to my next point.

I am backward, I personally gaurentee that no matter what is said to me, I will go against it. My brain makes it up as it goes along. In the company of straight men, I bat for the other team. In the company of Gay men, I bat for the other team. I am backward to all and my mind does not know which way to look.

I am so very slow, selfish. I'm Almost a cold, dead, black lump of fried dog shit, hardened by centuries of weathering. Back to the big cheese, a place of love and wonder for all, untill I am questioned or attacked, then I turn into a complete bitchy twatfaced retard. Through those times my attention hardly leaves myself. when I talk to others, I am actually just talking to myself.

I read books, yet the fantasies which I invisage are weak attempts to establish myself as a part of society.

This suicide note was originally intended as a way to communicate to anyone who cares why I decided that its time to end my life, yet, all I'm doing really is reassuring myself that there isn't another option. I've turned every stone in my mind, digging, and I found myself to be a weak, enemy of everyone. with no chance of recovery.

So this, is why I'm killing myself, because I either forgot to, or I didn't have the capabilities, to make an ark.

 

My wish is not to die, but either to have never been born, or to just be someone else. Since I've already been given life I see no use in throwing it away, just wish desperately that I were someone else, or that I wasn't at all.

I understand your frustration.:sad:

least

 

Dave, wtf happened today to do this to u?