Note To All Humans!

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Dragon, Feb 3, 2008.

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  1. Dragon

    Dragon Staff Alumni

    This is a JOKE. Please take it as such. It is not meant to inspire religious debate.

    This is a note signed by the devil. I hope this ends all those nasty rumors.

    "1. STOP WORSHIPPING ME. I do not want to be followed around by sorry little teenagers that light candles and sacrifice things in my honor and that some how is supposed to please me?? God no! I've got my own life now! I'm not the angst-ridden teenager that loved pain and agony anymore like I was when I took my job millions of years ago! Please just stop! You make me look like a sissy! You're going to hell anyway, and by no means will worshipping me get you anywhere with me! GAWD!

    2. Yes, I have a son. He is 33 now and has been going strong with Jesus for 5 years. He is renovating the 5th layer of Hell to be a fun park. Stop making movies about a little boy who kills people! He grew up! And no, his mother wasn't a Jackal. I don't usually screw animals, thanks.

    3. I'm happily married to my wife, Janet. She's turned my life around so much, and has made me the happiest man in the world. I really hope this ends all gay rumors. Thanks a lot, South Park.

    4. THERE IS NO FIRE IN HELL. Well, there is on level one.. But that's mostly just for tourists. When in Hell, all we ask is that you continue living your life in our world. There are fabulous bakeries, shopping malls, and obviously, Starbucks. You will not be tourtured! Your really think that the one devil in the all of Hell is going to take time out of his busy schedual to torture you??? Come off it. There are demons there, but they live in houses and work at Starbucks and Wal-Mart.


    6. God and I are NOT enemies. We play poker with Moses, Santa, Jesus, Katie and Mike every Tuesday night. Unfortunately Mike and Moses are sick this week with no hopes of getting better. We are looking for 2 really bad poker players who know the directions to Heaven. New guys bring chips and beer! We play with lettuce, not chips. So bring money. Full directions will be given from Katie (steamed-pepsi).

    I hope this clears up a few pimples on my life.

    P.S. God cheats at poker."

    (Credit to steamed-pepsi of DeviantArt, who kindly gave me permission to post this here)
  2. Abacus21

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  11. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    :laugh:I LOVE THIS! The fiddle one made me spit my soda!
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