notears

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by notears, Oct 9, 2006.

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  1. notears

    notears Guest

    thereare no teears here i am huritng so bad...everything in my whole being hurts,i hurt others i disapppont otherss, i dontwant to be in this place told that it is a chouice..wyh would anyone make that choicei want it to all end now but i know to fucking much i see what it does to peopleidont want to cuase anymore pain in this workld i just want what i supposedly askfor to stoponly if i could fucking crybut i cant not really the tears are in my eyesss butgh theuy bnever gfaall, thjere are somany people that care about me but they cant make the shit go away, i cant do this i am not strong
     
  2. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    notears, take a deep breath. Slow down. There are people here that care about you. There is no need to try and kill yourself. Talk to me tell me what is going on.
     
  3. i cant i cant i ncat
    icant tellyoupretty much anytthing beacue it would give awya who iam in hoit water ...i just wnat to ccry i can cryt and i want the paing toi go awayi want it all to go away, i ams o exhauseted
     
  4. idnt wnat ths anymire, my mind whants to s hut down
    my haert hurts sssoooo much
    i j ust want to cry that s all i want
    no i want something morebut u can say it eveen in heree
     
  5. gitana

    gitana SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    No tears,my heart goes out to you alot.. I understand and I am sure many other ppl here will understand too.. Can you tell us anything to help you out? You stated that it would give away who you are? Are you in danger, abusive situation.. you stated you are in hot water.. are you safe?

    I know.. I have been through alot in my life and I know about wanting the pain to go away. It will never go away unless one starts to deal with the pain.. it will keep festering and be worse.. down to the core of one's being, and one's soul.. I know..

    I always had to be strong and never let anybody see me cry.. I had to fight back, although it got me in worse trouble.. but never get the best of me and see me cry, ever.. I would never give that person the satisfaction ever. I hate to cry.. Crying I know is a release because if one doesn't cry, the body will react.. in some way.. I have experienced much loss/death since I was 5.. seemed natural to me and growing up in abusive sitaution, I never cried ever.. had to be strong.. deal with it..My motto was "never let them see me cry" but it comes out in other ways hon.. My sister could turn on those tears.. like a faucet.. on and off.. so it was harder on me because I am stubborn and would never let someone get to me..

    If you are afraid to share here, because somebody will know who you are.. can you PM somebody to talk to? Are you seeing a counselor/therapist? Yoiu can share and there is nothing wrong in sharing about what you are dealing with as many ppl can most likely relate to your pain and understand.

    May I ask, what do you want and need? Risking is difficult for some ppl and you need to feel that you can trust who you are talking to and sharing also. If you dojn't want on the open forum.. we are here for you anytime and if you have been a former person here sharing or knows somebody here who may recognize you and you don't feel comfortable in sharing.. there are alot of ppl here to talk to.. privately.. Thinking of you and hope you will be able to take that step out to keep reaching out to us, regardless if you are afraid that someone will recognize you hon.. there are options here..

    I have been there before when I reached out somewhere else.. and somebody recognized it was me..***sigh*** and I know and understand the repersussions I ended up facing and it hurt very deeply.. still does to this day... so I understand and I was in great pain within my soul.. I risked it.. and yeah, well you know who your friends are if they can't understand.. and I lost a lot of friends at the time.. I use to be strong also then.. but they couldn't handle it when they realized that I had problems, I needed a real friend.. and my best friend I confided in alot suicided.. I didn't have the perfect family everyone thought I had... alot of secrets, until this day.... and I don't know..

    In fact, there is a program I stumbled on the radio a month ago.. didn't know that they have been there 14 years.. so thought I would call and talk to somebody there.. not in great detail.. LOL.. scared but going through alot..so somebody, unbelieveably, I knew for many years, happened to be listening..too long to explain this court case dealing with.. and I receive a nice newsletter.. which is small and very interesting and a note form the person of this program about sombody who has known me for many years and would like me to call her and left her phone number.. This case I am going through, is very difficult and this person happens to be the aunt of someone I have known for many years that showed up at a hearing, set over this week, and who knows some of the truth as she witnessed some things, and she is sitting on the other side. So, I am feeling overwhelmed about all this and some ppl who believe this person.. not true at all and left with so much.. to deal with.. Hon.. I know it is risky.. but if you want and need our support we are here for you.. Yes,, I am paranoid about writing anything sometimes for fear somebody will recognize me and cause me grief..

    I can tell you that the ppl here are awesome and really care deeply about ppl.. I don't know what your experince has been here for fear that somebody will know who you are.. but you can also PM anybody and PM me too if you like.. Dealing with alot at the moment and I do answer my PM's.. sometimes may take a few days as I am dealing with this court case and going to have major surgery afterward.. Just know that my heart goes out to you alot..

    Gitana
     
  6. why do therr tearsss wnat tot come in angere stilll they dont falll, they willll neverr falll tilll i doo...i wantt to screaammm....i waaannnttt......notthing...becasuuues nothinnng matterss
     
  7. teaares doont mmatterrr I gueess...just wanntt thee silancee
     
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