there's nothing left for me in this life; no chance of living on. Anyone who wants me to live on and continue my suffering is my sworn enemy and they can fuck off. I hate the city I live in, this half of the state I live in in general, the people here, the fact there's nothing to do and my car is broken and now my fucking life is broken again... I want to leave badly and my small chance I have of leaving this piece of shit hellhole and living on might depend on it, but I got cold feet, and have nobody but myself to blame. There is no convincing me to stop me from suicide anymore; I've heard it all... all the cliches, all the self-help guru crap, all the guilt trips and patronizing. It's only a matter of time, and that time is nearing since I don't feel anything but sadness, pain, boredom, apathy, regret, ennui, anger, sexual frustration and restlessness switching back and forth with hyperactivity. There is no point to being alive; it's just something that's forced upon others by their selfish parents. I HATE my parents (RIP dad, sorry but it's true) for bringing me into this meaningless, demented slaughterhouse of a once-beautiful planet... all because of the cultural pressure (that even gripped hold of my mother, who is a staunch atheist) to have more than one child; should've had my older brother (that emotionally abuses me to the point I refuse to see him if I can help it) and called it a day. Don't suggest crisis lines to me either; even THEY don't know what to tell me. The only positive thing I can say about myself is that at least I didn't have children and have no intention... according to my family I was a nightmare of a child and a horrible person, so why would I want to force those traits on someone else unknowingly out of my own desperation, carelessness, self-indulgence and selfishness... having to punish them for doing/feeling such things when they don't even understand themselves? I refuse. ban me for posting this if you want... go ahead; since I'm gonna end my life what difference is one "ban" gonna do? Anyways, here's to what little life is left in me, and FUCK YOU to humanity for overpopulating this world!