'Nothing but a number'?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by enamored, Sep 26, 2008.

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  1. enamored

    enamored Guest

    If you're easily nauseated by tales of infatuation, you might not want to read further.

    Dilemmas emerge everywhere. This life thing comes in waves.

    It's easy to look for happiness where it is not. I have been in numerous relationships. They come and go with virtual ease. One could easily attach to me the label of a "slut" or a "polygamist." All of my relationships have been notably destructive with immature guys who are addicted to something hellish and not averse to leaving bruises on their women.

    Very recently, I have found myself smitten by a man of great intellect and compassion and wit and attraction.

    We have exchanged phone numbers and long conversation and light-hearted jokes and thoughts on the sunset for months now.

    I have given him ample insight into my life and he has done the same for me.

    I feel secure and respected.

    He is well-groomed, financially-secure, has a "good head on his shoulders," offers me much in the realm of advice, and calms me down quickly when he speaks to me softly.

    "What's the trouble?" you may inquire.

    Trouble is, he's a friend of my professor's... he's in his thirties. I'm 18. Even worse trouble is, I can't figure out if this age difference is, in fact, "trouble" or not.

    Until a few nights ago, I never considered myself attracted. I just thought it another acquaintance. I realized it was because of the age difference. I also realized that I've never been more content than when he and I are speaking. He told me he felt close to me, but he understands that it may put me off and freak me out a little. He said he will keep that under wraps, if he must, in order for our "relationship" (as in... "friendship") to continue as openly and debonair as it has been.

    Regarding this, I'm very secretive and on shaky ground. Personally, I don't have a problem. I feel, however, (I guess it's been socially-impressed) that there is something inherently unscrupulous about it.

    But, hell, when we're discussing quantum optics over coffee and he's telling me about his travels, his age is the last thing I'm thinking about.

    ...And he writes like a god.


    Opinions? :shy: :headache:
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Seems fine to me. I don't see the problem if you both are getting along.

    My mother and father have a 12 year gap difference. Not sure if that helps but I don't see anything unscrupulous about what you said.

    Do you know if he's in a relationship or married? If he was, would that make a difference?
  3. enamored

    enamored Guest

    He's single. Divorced four years ago.

    Thank you for your input :hug:
  4. pippo

    pippo Member

    He sounds like a great guy. Much better than what you normally deal with, obviously. Have you met in person? I'm not sure if this would be helpful or not, but I might consider why you kept putting yourself in bad relationships in the past? This might help you put things into perspective and decide with more conviction what you feel about him. I personally don't think that age difference is too big a deal, within some reason. Like a 70 year old dating a 20 year old might be a little suspect, but to each his own. :)
  5. enamored

    enamored Guest

    Yes, pippo. I see him nearly everyday but I never paid much attention to how I feel around him until a few days ago.

    As for the bad situation with men, it's just a matter of self-esteem issues and whatever else. The same way it is for a lot of girls, I guess.

    Thanks for your words :)
  6. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Twelve years isn't *that* much of an age gap. If he treats you better than your past relationships, I'd say go for it.
  7. abyss

    abyss Well-Known Member

    the only thing that i'd want to know before persuing something with this gentleman would be... does he have a track record of persuing younger girls. for some men it is a matter of 'feeling young'. if they continue to bed a stream of younger women they stay feeling young and verile. if this is his MO, i'd keep it at friends, cuz its likely to mean alot more to you then it does to him. on the otherhand, if he's not a serial troller at frat parties age doesn't have to be a problem. as long as your relationship is not one that would jeopardize his job (i.e. professor/student) give it a go. i've seen some very successful relationships between people with 10+ year age gaps.

    good luck
  8. enamored

    enamored Guest

    Thanks, all :)
  9. I'm going to chime in here. The 10+ year age difference isn't that big of a deal, but the thing I see as being sort of a big deal is that the age difference involves someone who is 30+ pursuing someone who is 18. It's a bit unnerving to me. Some people might argue that age doesn't matter, but if you've gone through certain stages or ages in your life, you know that there really is a big difference between 18 and 30. Your priorities are just different. Different things matter. I'm not condemning anyone though, I just feel like maybe your priorities are to find a good man who will treat you with respect unlike your past men have, and who you feel you can find in this new guy, but maybe his priorities might be centered towards something else. Just don't set yourself up for being hurt. The thing he said to you about "feeling close to you...yadda yadda", I've heard it before, and trust me, it's a line. You sound like a smart girl, but just be careful. You said you've been hurt in the past, don't let that effect your judgement. Your new friend may seem like the best man in the world right now, but err on the side of caution.
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You're an adult now, and that's the important thing. Though he is old enough to be your father. Just some food for thought. Do you not like guys your own age?
  11. enamored

    enamored Guest

    It's okay.

    I think I thought I might find something else.

    I've been looking for something else.

    It's all right. I'm done with that whole thing, anyway. I. can't. fix. anything.

    Thanks for your input, everyone.
  12. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I've been sort of having a thing with a woman 12 years older than me for a while now. The age, nor the prior marriage, aren't problems, but the 5 kids are... [And more for her than for me. She doesn't want me to get bogged down.]
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