Nothing changes

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Brian777, Mar 26, 2016.

  1. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Another day......suns out, Easter weekend and families are getting together and having fun. Here I sit alone in my darkness wondering how I broken. Even my dog is depressed, that's my fault too. My dark feelings are palpable. Yes, I've tried therapy, medication, hypnosis, self help books, meditation......but I'm still broken. No idea why I'm writing this, guess because the thread said "let it all out" so I'm trying.
    I read the stories of others on here, going through terrible things, much worse than mine. I just wonder why it's like this. Don't know anymore, morning always seems to be the worst, probably the prospect of another dark empty day.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    *hugs* brian. From an outsiders perspective and from what I have seen from you I think you're a pretty amazing guy. You don't deserve to feel this lonely and isolated and if i could take that away from you, believe me I would. Holidays are always filled with fear and isolation for those whom are alone. I know you said you have tried everything but please do not give up brian. You owe that to yourself at least, why quit when you have made it this far? May I ask what types of therapy you have engaged in? And how much medications you have tried? I feel for you. I am so sorry you are feeling so alone. @Brian777
    Jenumbra and Brian777 like this.
  3. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Thank you Petal, you're kindness encourages me. You're right it's the holiday, it just makes me feel worse, last year at this time my Mom was still here.....God I miss her so much. I'm just feeling sorry for myself, that's bad at 64 lol.
    I actually just started therapy, so really haven't given it a chance, not sure what kind it is. I've been on antidepressants for years, Prozac then Cymbalta and an anti anxiety. When Mom died it was like they stopped working, I'm waiting for a psychiatrist apointment to see if my meds can be adjusted or changed.
    Just a bad day my friend, it'll pass I'm sure. Thank you again for your kind words and caring.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Of course you are going to be upset, if I lost my mom god knows how i'd be feeling, that is a normal reaction to your situation even though obviously it doesn't ''feel'' normal. You will get through the holidays, I find if I have a rough day coming up, helping others helps me so maybe try that :) I will keep you in my thoughts and know you can message me any time, i'll be online all weekend *hugs* good luck with therapy,its tough for sure but try and stick with it, i hope your psych can adjust your meds so you will feel better soon (hugs)
  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Thank you Petal, you have a kind heart. I'll probably do as you suggest and encourage/help others :)
    Petal likes this.
  6. Jenumbra

    Jenumbra SF Supporter

    Hi Brian, you're a kind, helpful person, I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. You suffered a major loss so it's normal to feel terrible especially around the holidays. I find this article about grieving, on what's typical and ways to handle it. I hope you find relief soon.
    Brian777 likes this.
  7. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry you're having such a bad day, Brian. And I'm sorry about your loss.

    From what I have observed with people grieving no two people grieve in the same way... but I've seen this so many times... the holidays are hard. That is so very normal. One lady in my family found the Christmas after she lost her husband it helped her to work at a soup kitchen instead of celebrating the holidays... you seem like a very helpful person already, so perhaps that is very sound advice coming from Petal.

    Keep yourself distracted. Why not try to make some plans to do something if you can? Go somewhere perhaps? Change the scenery a bit just for a while.

    And don't give up on therapy, sometimes it takes a while for it to help... personally (and I know it's been like this for others too) starting therapy has taken me really low to start out with... but I am confident it will help me in the long run.
    Don't give up on yourself. I know these are bad days, but it really can get better!
    Brian777 likes this.
  8. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Thank you Jen, for the kind words and the article :)
    Jenumbra likes this.
  9. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Good advice my friend and thank you. More than anything I like helping people and animals. This holiday kind of took me by surprise.
    ThePhantomLady likes this.