Nothing changes. nothing changes for me.everything stays the same.no matter what i do or try i always end up alone n hating my life. i tried to better myself n get a respectable job but its done nothing for me but give me something to direct my hate towards n anger towards.im always alone. the only people i know i push away and idk why. maybe i thought it was cause i like people showing they care about me but all it does is alienate them. n make them not want to talk to me. im pretty sure im paying someone just to talk to me.they only talk when they need money.but idc cause i have no one. i have maybe 3 people on my contact list that i can text.maybe 2 of them will actually respond n have a convo with me.but no one ever will txt me n try to start a convo with me.im always the one to start n if i dont respond or ask questions they wont talk to me.they say its cause there busy.but thats just a nice lie.im so empty. i sit here all day n do nothing. just try to stay busy with games or internet or shows or whatever from when i wake up till when i go to sleep. the highlight of my day is when i go get food if i dont have any here. i cant even focus on writing this. i guess i cant blame my friends for leaving me. I completly ruined a very close friend of mines life cause they got close to me. im one of those fucked up apples that ruins the bunch. im the dark alleyway that everyone avoids. i ruin everything i fuck up everything.im a pit of depression so dark i affect everything around me. n this thing inside of me that craves company or some form of human contact is gonna turn into some fucked up disorder one day. as if it hasnt now.im not worth it tho.im not worth anyone talking to me.i dont deserve the energy people use to have any communication with me. im alone n now im just waiting for my life to end.