Nothing Changes

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Earn, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    Nothing changes. nothing changes for me.everything stays the same.no matter what i do or try i always end up alone n hating my life. i tried to better myself n get a respectable job but its done nothing for me but give me something to direct my hate towards n anger towards.im always alone. the only people i know i push away and idk why. maybe i thought it was cause i like people showing they care about me but all it does is alienate them. n make them not want to talk to me. im pretty sure im paying someone just to talk to me.they only talk when they need money.but idc cause i have no one. i have maybe 3 people on my contact list that i can text.maybe 2 of them will actually respond n have a convo with me.but no one ever will txt me n try to start a convo with me.im always the one to start n if i dont respond or ask questions they wont talk to me.they say its cause there busy.but thats just a nice lie.im so empty. i sit here all day n do nothing. just try to stay busy with games or internet or shows or whatever from when i wake up till when i go to sleep. the highlight of my day is when i go get food if i dont have any here. i cant even focus on writing this. i guess i cant blame my friends for leaving me. I completly ruined a very close friend of mines life cause they got close to me. im one of those fucked up apples that ruins the bunch. im the dark alleyway that everyone avoids. i ruin everything i fuck up everything.im a pit of depression so dark i affect everything around me. n this thing inside of me that craves company or some form of human contact is gonna turn into some fucked up disorder one day. as if it hasnt now.im not worth it tho.im not worth anyone talking to me.i dont deserve the energy people use to have any communication with me. im alone n now im just waiting for my life to end.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Aaron ya depression does that pushes everyone away hun I hope you can talk to a professional and get some help to pull you out of that dark space your in. I am sorry your friends have left hun but then they are not true friends are they if they up and left. I hope you know you are not alone hun okay here you can talk vent and someone will listen i will listen Please pm me anytime if you just need someone to talk to hugs toyou okay
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It does hurt when everyone pushes you away or abandons you, but it doesn't mean that will happen all of your life. We care about how you are feeling because we are going through the same things that you are. No one here thinks you are bad or a waste of life. We just want you to be able to live your life again.
     
  4. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    Ive had true friends.as true as they could get but i ruined her life so i dont blame her for not talking to me. professionals never helped me. ive had the whole optimistic change your life attitude.it only works so much untill i realized it my life is a waste anyways.im just gonna spend it alone.no aspirations.the only thing to do is end my life.im just wasting money,peoples time.
     
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm sure that you haven't ruined anyone's life. Have you tried talking to her about how you feel? Sometimes professionals don't help, so we need to try to help ourselves. You aren't wasting anyone's time and I think you could make something of yourself if you really wanted to. You can be capable of doing anything you want if you try. At least you can do that, since there's no harm in trying.
     
  6. Morningstar

    Morningstar Well-Known Member

    Hey Aaron, I know what you mean all to well as I'm exactly the same kind of person and in the same boat. I've spent years in therapy and been on ALL the meds that there are. All of at has done absolutely and completely nothing, well. . .not nothing I guess making me worse is something. And with the exception of say 3-4 people that will contact me well once in awhile, I'm always contacting everyone else. I tend to ruin people's lives or just make people think about things that they don't wanna think about(as I'm a very intellectual person). Or piss people off, or make people upset in some kind of way. Anyway what I'm saying is I know where you're at and you can feel free to talk to me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2012
  7. Earn

    Earn Well-Known Member

    its my life to be alone. everybody has there things they can n cant do. n what will n wont happen to them. im always gonna be alone. nobody would want me. n even if they thought they did as soon as they got to know me they run away.everyone does.im a waste of a life.there are way too many people of this planet.i definitly should not have been born.
     
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You won't always be alone...there are so many people in the world, some are bound to become great friends. There are a lot of people on the planet, but I think everyone was born for a reason and you aren't a waste of life.