Sorry for the wall of text but I honestly feel like i'm in hell. I look back on past 3 and a half years and only realize that what made me feel like giving up on life is worse. I have epilepsy, but no Dr. can find out how to control it. They barely do anything. They keep changing my diagnosis and because of this I've had improper medications that made me have really bad seizures. I've been to the psyche ward two times in regards to my seizures and how they effect my life. They have ruined my life. I have literally lost almost every friend. As soon as I got sick everyone bailed. My own family has turned their back on me. I've spent months being bed ridden because of seizures and the chaos they cause for me emotionally. I just can't see why I try anymore, seriously. Everything is bad. The only thing I have is a really supporting girlfriend. The only person who has shown me real selflessness. But I can't be much to her because im mentally shot. I feel ashamed of being crippled by this disease. And the drug I take is not working. I have no idea why now. I hated life as is, but I can't deal with being bed ridden again. I have to go to court to get disability which I won't win, even though I can't hold a job. I haven't worked in over 2 years. Can no longer drive. The Dr.s I see seriously do nothing. I can't get the proper help without insurance which I can't get without winning this SSI court case. I never thought my seizures would get worse, nor did I think everyone close to me would vanish. I wished I could vanish, I'm tired of being isolated. Not having someone to talk to that understand mental illness or depression. I've reached out to make friends but no one seems to care. I would always confide to my grandfather, who is the closest person to me. He has cancer and isn't doing well. And because of my seizures I haven't seen him in awhile. I'm terrified of life. I never though id end up like this. I just want to find people that can relate to this pain. Each year has had a moment of hope that was crushed, what do I do?