Nothing changing and wondering why I try

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by AtDawn, Mar 19, 2013.

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  1. AtDawn

    AtDawn New Member

    Sorry for the wall of text but I honestly feel like i'm in hell. I look back on past 3 and a half years and only realize that what made me feel like giving up on life is worse.

    I have epilepsy, but no Dr. can find out how to control it. They barely do anything. They keep changing my diagnosis and because of this I've had improper medications that made me have really bad seizures.

    I've been to the psyche ward two times in regards to my seizures and how they effect my life. They have ruined my life. I have literally lost almost every friend. As soon as I got sick everyone bailed. My own family has turned their back on me.

    I've spent months being bed ridden because of seizures and the chaos they cause for me emotionally. I just can't see why I try anymore, seriously. Everything is bad. The only thing I have is a really supporting girlfriend. The only person who has shown me real selflessness. But I can't be much to her because im mentally shot. I feel ashamed of being crippled by this disease. And the drug I take is not working. I have no idea why now. I hated life as is, but I can't deal with being bed ridden again.

    I have to go to court to get disability which I won't win, even though I can't hold a job. I haven't worked in over 2 years. Can no longer drive. The Dr.s I see seriously do nothing. I can't get the proper help without insurance which I can't get without winning this SSI court case. I never thought my seizures would get worse, nor did I think everyone close to me would vanish.

    I wished I could vanish, I'm tired of being isolated. Not having someone to talk to that understand mental illness or depression. I've reached out to make friends but no one seems to care. I would always confide to my grandfather, who is the closest person to me. He has cancer and isn't doing well. And because of my seizures I haven't seen him in awhile. I'm terrified of life. I never though id end up like this. I just want to find people that can relate to this pain. Each year has had a moment of hope that was crushed, what do I do?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you have your doctors hun fight for you in court as well get them to document all your times in hospital and all that has been done to help you with no results. Have you tried surgery hun for your seizures where they install a device that stops the stimulation to nerves hun that cause seizures I do hope you get the disability hun so you can get the help you need to stop these seizures hugs
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi AtDawn and welcome...I am also dealing (with varying success and failure) with a disease that has changed my life and left me wheelchair bound...and I also know how slim the crowd gets when you are sick...if i can be there for you please PM me..I know other members here who are going through similar circumstances and it is the wonderful nature of this community to be supportive and kind...please continue to post and welcome again
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am saddened by the fact out seems no one is advocating for you. Have your doctors supported your claims for SSI? If you don't qualify the first time, apply again. It seems the average is about 3 times before getting qualified. I guess they figure the questionable ones won't fight back and will drop the request after the first denial. There is a great hospital in the Washington area that specializes in epilepsy. I can find out the name of it if you would like. Don't give up the battle. It is worth the fight.
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