Nothing else to say..

[Kiba]

I guess there are some things I need to explain..

In my older posts I had thought I may have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) but I am not diagnosed as such.. I do however experience instances where my thought patterns differ and my attitude is different..

Around important dates and when my stress levels are higher, those different patterns become less "one" and split more so then normally..

The reason why (I think) I felt it was a total split at the particular time of the posts was because I was still going through prob the effects of going cold turkey off all my ADHD and psychiatric medications and that was the first year living on my own, thus memories and time was trying to catch up with itself..

In that time period, my memory and sensory processing was really off.. And I felt this loss of explanation.. So I reverted back to when I was younger and the other names I created for myself then..

I don't know really why my brain acts the way it does.. But I do know in my head I always have to have some "reason" why I feel the way I do.. And maybe since that's what "fit", that's what my brain decided to go with..

The other posts of my past.. Like my one Journal.. Those are fairly accurate as far as I saw the situations then.. From an outside view maybe it would look different.. maybe it wouldn't look so bad.. But that's what my life was in MY eyes..

And I guess there's something else I need to say..

I'm sorry if I am selfish.. I do not try to be.. I am trying to change.. And forget the past..

And Ive admitted yes.. I am a user.. (in a recent post) I thrive on being able to communicate with other people.. I feel useless and worthless without being heard.. But I guess maybe I should listen more.. I'm sorry..

 

[total eclipse]

OMG hun you are not a user hun.
You are a caring individual who like all of us wants and needs to be heard Please do not beat yourself up okay
You give here as much as you receive like all of us We all grow in time we learn how to see things differently and how to cope differently I Hope you know how special you are hugs

 

[Kiba]

Thanks.. but I don't feel I deserve that for all the people in chat I may have ignored.. I'm sorry..

 

[total eclipse]

hun you have to look after you if you are not well people understand okay that you just are not well enough to chime in hugs

 

[LightInTheDarkestNight]

Being ignored can suck that's for sure but I think most people are fairly understanding that you are busy or whatever if that's indeed what happens.

For example if someone is withdrawing from me and blaming me for it they are merely playing the projection and blame game, either that or they are just not interested. That is their issue not mine.

As a lyric in a song goes "never put the two before the one" this is a reference to a relationship that you should never put your partner ahead of yourself. At the end of the day you're the only person that knows whats best for you and your the only person that keeps their own interests in mind all of the time. Someone may think their helping but if they don't understand they could very likely be causing harm from their lack of understanding.

I feel a large part of most people's issues arises from their past, if we could just somehow leave that behind it would help tons but it certainly isn't easy to just let things go nor is it really a choice either.