Nothing ever changes

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kaprah, Aug 30, 2010.

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  1. Kaprah

    Kaprah New Member

    I am just starting my second year of college. I went through hell my first year with having roommates that are total assholes to dealing with my decision of not drinking.

    I am back at college, just started my second year, everything was looking up, I have roommates with things in common with me which is a first, switching my major, and things to look forward to. I was wrong about that.

    My roommates do everything so I am not included in anything. They don't want me around, they don't respect me, they don't even see me as a person. I am nothing. I went through hell last year with the same thing.

    I have tried four different medications for depression, none have worked. I have talked to four different psychiatrists and nothing. Nothing has even come close to making me feel better.

    I have been dealing with this for 9 years. I can remember back as far back as 5th grade to sitting in bed and thinking about killing myself. No 10 or 11 year old should be thinking about that, but I was.

    I haven't been able to hang out with my friends from high school during the summers because I have had a job since I turned 16. The last four summers I have had I have been working 6 days a week, 40+ hours a week every week up till school. I have drifted about from all of my friends. I don't really have any left. I can't find people in college to do anything with, there is no one.
  2. shane86

    shane86 Banned Member

    Honestly, who cares about what your roommates think? You're going to college which is more than I can say about myself (I flunked out) and once you graduate and they don't they'll be bagging your groceries. You sound like a hard working person who is having issues with depression. Now i've voiced my oppinions on medication and psychiatrists on these forums before. They usually never work. Do you have any good friends you can talk to or family members? If not i'm more than happy to talk to you through pm.
  3. Kaprah

    Kaprah New Member

    My family doesn't care. They pushed my sister off with her never working a day till college and then she drops out after 5 years and being 3 credits away from an Electrical Engineering degree. On the other hand, I work at a horrible horrible job for 4 years, get sent to a worthless school and expected to be fine.

    Yes, I am a very hard worker when it comes to school, but I am to nice to people. I can't just give up. It isn't in me, I want to feel like part of a group, but I always get pushed out.

    I do have my girl friend who I have been going out with for three years in September. She has given up trying to help me. I am surprised she has put up with me this long. She usually just changes the subject or goes off when it is bad for me.
  4. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    Roommates, it's nice if they become your friends but if they don't include you, that doesn't mean they don't like you. Sometimes, we just don't click with certain people. NOW, if they disresprect you, put them in place right then and there-don't let it build up.

    As far as expanding your social life, it does take creativity and it really is like a job. It's worse when you're no longer in school. Have you attended any school functions, meetings,clubs, dances, meet-ups or projects to expand your social ring? It's a great way to meet "like minds" Some become "social friends" and few become really good friends.

    What is your major?
  5. Kaprah

    Kaprah New Member

    I am a Secondary Math Education right now, so High School math teacher. I am switching it today to just straight Mathematics.

    I'm in marching band for the college, but there really isn't anything else for me. I am joining an Honorary my junior year. I would join it now, but the requirements are that you need a 3 levels above Calc II and at least a 3.5 of all your math classes combined, and at least a 3.0 in all others. Just with that I need to work my ass off.

    The thing is where I go to school, you either drink a whole lot, or you won't get along with anyone. That is why I was excited because my roommates didn't drink and they are exactly like me. They want nothing to do with me though.
  6. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I imagine it would be pretty easy to dislike the guy/girl who's too good to drink. It still sounds like a crappy reason for people not to associate with you though. If your new roommates are like you and still won't hang out with you that's weird too, have you always had problems like that or is it just suddenly popping up now that you're in college?
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