Hello, I felt like I had no one else to talk to so I just Googled a suicide forum and here I am.. It's a pretty long story, bear with me. My name is Garrett, right now I'm thirteen years old and staying up for hours looking up suicide methods because of horrible rape that didn't actually happen to me.. A couple months ago I broke up with my ex-girlfriend of eight months, who had been raped by her grandfather for eight years since she was four, and the porn from that was sold to some European magazine. Basically.. After we had been dating for two months, and I had already fallen in love with her, she told me, and I was devastated. Things pretty much slowly went down-hill for the next six months, and I was having panic attacks in class at least once a week, because I believed it was still happening with other family members of hers, even though her grandfather was in jail. I had to ask her to send pictures every other minute of her and her surroundings to make sure nothing bad was going on, until one day I knew I was finally going to snap and shoot myself unless I broke up with her, so I broke up with her, believing it would relieve all of my pain. Well, everything felt a million times worse. I was still worried about her every second even though we hated each other at that point, but for some reason, my life got great for a month or so afterwards. But then it just went downhill again. I think it was because I realized I still loved her and she was always hugging guys and letting them grab her ass in front of me so I would get jealous, which I did, considering I was barely resisting the urge to violently murder them right then and there, quite honestly. So everything just kept getting worse and I started cutting and crap.. Until I finally asked her back out again desperately because I had never got over her, and she said yeah.. So we dated another week, and near the end she informed me she sexted her uncle, and she was the one that started it. A day after that she broke up with me and I cut my leg at least an inch deep several times, and surprisingly, no one noticed my limp for the next couple days. So another 2 months have went by of us having to see each-other every day, and I really messed things up yesterday, when I told a couple class-mates (apparently the whole class could hear) about the rape in a kind of uncaring, casual matter. It got around to most of her friends and now at least twenty people hate me, and I'm in ISP (in school placement) for harassment. My mom always acts like it's not a big deal that I said that stuff because she was the one who manipulated me and ruined my life she says, which I'm very unsure about.. This is the worst pain I've felt in my life, with all the guilt, which is why I can't help but want to kill myself.. So I'm just posting on a suicide forum, hoping someone else knows how I feel, hoping someone else can give me the slightest hint of what to do, or something.. - Garrett..