I just want to die all the time, this is not normal and I just can't STOP thinking about it and feeling suicidal. I wish I could. It's agony. Why does nothing help? 5 years of therapy, meds, yoga, food, hospitals....still feel hopelessly depressed and seek death as the answer. I don't think a human being can be treated like a fuck toy for 10 years by her father and really end up wanting to live all that much, that's probably the best answer. I just want to hook up with some random guy on Craigslist and hope he will murder me or give me some horrible disease so then I can die.