There really isn't. I have not been able to better my life in any way and slowly it has dwindled into a sad fucking mess. I've done nothing to deserve the life I'm living. I'm almost 23 and I've had social phobia since age 8. This means more than a fear of social interaction, I have to totally avoid all human kind just to feel good day by day. For instance.. if someone were to even knock on the front door I'd have a panic attack. My mind will instantly race, I'll feel like the world's about to end, my heart rate will be off the charts. I'll debate in my head weather or not to answer it. And after I have decided to answer it, if I were to do anything at all that could embarrass myself.. I'll feel like shit for at least a week. I feel like a failure, a reject, not worth anything. I've never been able to just walk to a store and buy something because simply handing money to someone is a giant ordeal. I've never been able to complete my education because I'd be too afraid to attend the class room. I can't control it, medications can't control it. The only way I've even been able to go places is with someone I'm comfortable with, who was my ex, but now there's no one. I have no friends. And on top of that, I don't understand why I don't even have internet friends. I play video games a lot, it applies even people I meet in them. People who get to know me seem to care for a day or two, then completely decide I don't exist anymore. I'm not an asshole. I have a nice personality. There's something about me, some unseen force that tells them to run the hell away and never speak to me again. Something that tells them I'm not worth it and to stop caring. My family hates me, and I don't exactly love them either. They've had to take care of me financially most of my life, and it's like they have decided to stop caring about me. I understand I need a job, but I can't get one. I work occasionally online, am also trying to finish my education online, and I know it's not enough, I need to work more. But when you're as depressed as I am, it's too hard. It's too hard to do anything. Everyone in my family has their own problems and just doesn't care about me, or mine, but they really never have. My mom is telling me to move out now. Where? Where the fuck could I possibly go? A social phobic who can't even fucking speak to another human being can't exactly fend for themselves. I lived with my ex for about 7 years. He always treated me like shit. I cleaned, cooked, took care of him and any of his needs. As a reward I was pushed away, ignored, and told to fuck off. I had enough and a few months ago broke it off with him. I was offered to live with him, but I don't want to go through any of that bullshit anymore. He makes me feel like shit for things that aren't even bad. It's some sort of controlling bullshit, he perpetually tries to mentally hurt me. I stayed with him for so long because he had promised me he'd help me with my social phobia. He'd support me financially no matter what. He'd take care of me, and love me. Can't find someone else. I had tried, it ended really badly. I had known him for about two weeks and I fell in love with him. I told him, and he said he loved me too. Then about a week later he changed his mind. He said he didn't. He broke it off with me. That shit hurt worse than anything my ex could've said to me. I really don't know what to do. I'll be homeless soon, or dead. What is it about me that makes people hate me, hurt me, or not care about me? I always try to be optimistic, and I try to make good out of a bad situation. I don't disrespect people, I don't lie. I don't do drugs, I don't have casual sex. I believe in God, I just believe he fucking hates me. Really. What the fuck?.. What the fuck do I do?