I am such a big fat disappointment to everyone. I can't do or say anything right. I just should not exist. The only thing that keeps me hanging on are my kids but its only a matter of time until I feel they'd be better of without me. The problem is deep down I don't feel like I *am* a waste of a human being. I feel like I do serve a purpose but when everyone around makes you feel like crap then it's hard to keep that feeling. When people treat me like crap and I actually stand up for myself (which happens rarely) I just get beaten down (with words not physical) more. The past few months I've just tried to stay out of the way of people so there couldn't be anything to "blame" on me. It doesn't work completely but it helps. I really thought the new year would be different but it's not. I want to die.