Nothing is going right...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dashigara12, Dec 21, 2010.

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  1. Dashigara12

    Dashigara12 Member

    It's been insane lately. I have been going insane, very consistently, with school, family, home, friends, and bullies. I've been hiding my feelings for many, many years now (I'm 15), and I am no longer open with my mom. I've been trying my hardest to make everyone else's lives perfect, with no consideration of my own life.

    I actually attempted once, today, as I was walking home in the dark, and I jumped out in front of a car. They dodged, and right now, I can't tell what I feel. I can't tell if I'm glad I didn't get hit, or if I'm pissed because I failed. My days for the past few weeks have been very stressful, and today, I won a basketball game, I got to talk to my very few friends, and I felt good all of today, BECAUSE I was planning to end my life! I'm a self-harmer. I cut, because I don't let my emotions show and I don't have any other way to get rid of them.

    My mom found out a few weeks ago, around the time my stress has been increasing extremely fast. I feel so awful, her knowing I'm hurting myself, and omg, if she found out that I want to kill myself. I seem to put everyone I know in pain. I hurt them emotionally and I feel like a monster. I want to kill myself to get away from everyone, to protect them, and to get out of this painful world. I keep self destructing. And Idk how long I'm going to live if this continues.

    I can't kill myself because I can't purposely hurt my friends and family. But nor do I want to live. I just want to die without anyone ever knowing I died, but how the hell am i supposed to do that!?

    (OMG PIKACHU! :sleepy: sorry random )
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi and welcome to SF. I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting so badly and especially around the holidays. Please don't try another suicide attempt. There is a chance that you could end up severely injured and that will just make your life even harder than it is now. If school is causing you so much stress, maybe you could talk to a teacher or counsellor about how you're feeling. If people are bullying you, please tell someone. Please talk to someone about how you are feeling instead of cutting yourself. :hug:
  3. LogDork

    LogDork Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Dashi. 15 was a rough time for me too. Ya know the chinese symbol for crisis is the same as for opportunity? Hang tight, and be ready to jump at something good that comes along, I think it will.
    I wish you luck, Log.
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