I dont know why Im writing this. Noone will read it. I can't be bothered any more. Life sucks. I heard more revelations about my ex-girlfriend tonight. I know it;s not my business blah blah blah....but I still miss her. I hate my life. the wounds on my arm have just healed up..Ive chickened out a couple of times now this evening, but I know im going to end up cutting my arm to feck again. strange. Im normally calm about SH and wanting to die, tonight I feel paniced(sp?) Maybe all the other times I was calm because at the back of my mind I knew I wasn't going to do it. Maybe this panic is what it really feels like to be at the very end. I want to die, I feel like taking the knife and putting it straight into my chest, as much as I dont want my family to be the ones to find me dead, and I havent sorted my letters/possessions etc, I just want to be dead. I cant take the hurting any more. Im going to do it tomorrow night, after celebrating a couple of mates' birthdays, go out on a high and not feel a thing do to being horrendously drunk. I doubt anyone will read this, but thankyou to those of you who took the time to reply/pm me, I'm sorry that your time was wasted. sorry if this doesnt make sense, had a few bevvies this evening.