Nothing left for me, why should i live?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lostjack, Oct 18, 2006.

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  1. Lostjack

    Lostjack New Member


    My life is completely pathetic, i'm 17 and at college and I don't see any reason to continue my meaningless life, I feel misarable at home and I feel misarable at college, my life as been a lonely one, I've always been a "lone wolf", followed what i believed in, didn't agree with other people if they differed from my point of view, however didn't hate them because of it either.

    Anyways back in school I was an outcast from the main people and an outcast from the outcasts :dry: because the outcasts liked heavy metal, wore black and had a gothic theme, whereas the main groups of people liked sports and cars. Myself however only have an intrest in computer games, movies and easy listening music, this caused the main group of people to hate me and the outcasts too aswell since i didn't like that music they listened to.

    My only freinds at the time were two people, and after I moved from high school to college (2 years ago) we never talked, when I seen them in town I would always try to strike up a conversation however I was given the usual hard-shoulder and they said they had to go, likewise MSN converstaions and phone calls happened the same way.

    So as being an outcast to everyone all my life, since around seven, I stayed in at home and played computer games all the time, never leaving the house, nobody would call me, nobody would ask me out, so i just kept playing. About 6 years ago I discovered online gaming with Warcraft 3 and later World of Warcraft, I played these for approxmatally 8 hours a day, on as you could exspect on World of Warcraft I was the best on the server which I am not too proud of.

    Now for the most pathetic part of the story, I met a girl on World of Warcraft and fell in love with her over MSN conversations, and I still am in love with her however she lives 400 miles away which means we can never see each other, not just because of the distance but she doesn't feel the same way about me, I have been talking to her for over 2 years and this is really depressing me aswell.

    So as my social skills have be decaying (good joke I know, I never had them) I find it incrediably hard to talk or meet new people. I have not been able to even work in college recently since i've been too depressed and never had any fun, when I do talk I get called a retard since I have no idea how to react and approach people and after trying to and failing misarably I can't be bothered to try anymore.

    6 months ago, I quit World of Warcraft and since as I thought it could help me build my life up however then I have had nothing at all to do since, I started back up 2 weeks ago, so the circle continues or end it now?
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Well, here's a guy thats just like you. I'm 19 in college, second year, haven't made a single friend. I commute there and all I do is go to class and study, thats it.
    I'm also an outcast among outcasts.

    All I have done for many years is stay inside, play videogames, computergames, watch TV, surf the internet, etc.
    I feel really pathetic and down and I want to change but yet also don't want to since I've gotten so used to it. I'm also a social retard and unlike you, haven't even met a girl, even online like you have.
    Sorry that doesn't help but I'm in your same position and I feel so ashamed by it and don't want to tell my psychologist or anyone really because its such a unique problem. And also, I want to but then again don't want to fix it, since I've gotten so used to this pathetic lifestyle. Sigh....
    Why don't you look up this term on wikipedia. hikikomori, sounds like you are sorta one, no offense, I am sorta one.
    I feel really depressed and shitty right now as I type this, just like you do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2006
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Your not alone, my son is exactly the same. First it was one on-line game that took up a lot of his time then he discovered WOW and it has ruined his life.
    He hasn't left the house in 2 years. He doesn't do anything but sleep eat and play this damn game.
    He gave up college and now at 23 he thinks his life is down the toilet.

    please keep trying to interact with the outside world, I would hate to see anyone else end up like my son has.
  4. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    Im exactly like you, lost. Except I dont even go to school and I dont have any online games lol I guess im the biggest loser ever. I wish I could die some how.
  5. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    You know maybe we should start some sort of ingame support group, at least a place where we can be together and encourage each other in real time to take a look at the real world, encourage "reasonable" playing hours, and have a little fun playing at the same time. I know its not a perfect solution, but if your already stuck inside the game, then at least this would be a step forward...When I use to play all the pressure was on to play longer for better rewards. At least as addicts and ex addicts we know those dangers and we wont pressure each other to do that. We organise questing and so on based around things that will take a couple of hours to complete, not 10 hours. and perhaps set aside a single day once a week ONLY for big raids.

    Anywayz..its just an idea.

    I hear so many young men, and a few women (although these boards are like 90% male from what I can tell) addicted to online games. Its becoming a serious problem.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2006
  6. life

    life Well-Known Member

    WELL i have no fıends eıther i am 17 and all alone at the college..........every sıngle day ı go to school come home go to chool come home i am bored...Going to a psychologıst for 6 months....İ am a shy person thats why....Besides this my psychology is bad and i lost it!!!!!!........i just everyday surth the ınternet Looking for methods to suicide....Bored tired of life....its like suffering..:(((((((..........................
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