Well, not sure I can get through the next few months, or weeks. I just can't take this crap anymore. I feel like I have no future, even though things are changing. Last week I had a job interview, and another one may be in the works. But it doesn't feel like it matters. I try to picture a life in either area where the jobs would be (assuming I were offered one of the jobs), and all I see is a life of going to work and then going home. Once home, cobbling something to eat, then sitting around until I fell asleep. Repeat process five times, rest twice, repeat process. I look at that and think, "What's the point? Is being alive worth being miserable and lonely till you croak?". Anytime I think of going out it only depresses me further. I don't feel comfortable around people, not since I got out of college almost a year ago. Any confidence I had in myself died when I got out and came back home. From then on it has been the same thing every day, and when something changes it is always for the worse. I hate to say it (at least part of me still hates to), but family seems to be what is killing me. Family, the job situation, the lack of a girlfriend, finances, etc.; but family seems to be the major thing bringing me down now. I don't want to get into the particulars about it though more than I have because it's personal. My whole life is one regret after another. Every time I look at my life I say, "It is what you make of it. If you don't like it, go change it.". I try to change it, but it always seems to go sour whenever I try. I'm sick of standing in my way about suicide. The bench mark system failed, each segment of time I gave myself got worse. My birthday is in a few weeks, and between you and me (i.e. anyone still reading) I don't want to reach the age of 23. Age 21 was wasted in its youth, spent mourning when the ex left me in its mid-life, and then enjoyed somewhat in its end. Age 22 was spent enjoyed at first, but has only gotten worse since. Now that it is on its last legs, it only seems right that I pass with it. I've been depressed for over 9 years, seven months. September marks my 10 year, I don't want to make it to that. If you stayed this long, I thank you. If you left, I'd have to say you spared yourself something not worth reading.