The is nothing left for me now. I am already dead inside I just need to finish the job. I have spent most of my time looking for the easies and most painless way to commit suicide, I now realise I am supposed to feel the pain its what I deserve. So now I have so many options, some more pain full than others but all painfull to some degree. I lived through the wedding and christmas not is just my birthday. Other people dont understand I dont want to celebrate my birthday, why cant the all just leave me alone I just want to stay in bed but now I have to be happy and do stuff, but none of its for me its all for them. I am not sure what I want to achieve from writhing this nut there you go.