I'm 42 unemployed,and sleeping on my mums settee since i lost my job and flat over 2 years ago. But things were bad long before that. Almost ever since i can remember i've wanted to die, i'm not angry with the world, or the way my life has turned out, i just don't see the point.Nothing ever changes, i just get alittle older and sadder each day. I've been a member of this board for about a month, and you guys do great work. I want to stay anonymous because i'm still active on the board, and don't want people here to know . When i go, i don't want to cause anyone any pain, i'll just stop posting. Until then i will try and help anyone who needs it. Suicide isn't a solution to the problem,mearley a way of avoiding the pain life can sometimes bring. And yes i know i could probably muddle on for the next 40 or 50 years,but why should i.This isn't a knee jerk reation to any one thing or person. I will never be normal, or truely happy or anything. I has always felt odd, out of touch with what it means to be human. 3 years ago i almost died of an overdose, i spent 5 days in hospital, and then was referred to a psychiatric hospital. I been to therapy had the drugs and still i feel the same. Maybe i'm not depressed, maybe it's just me. Maybe i was born broken. Not sure why i'm posting, i don't want any help, i've already decided to go, i guess i just want a little piece of me left behind. I could ramble on, but my story isn't much differnt from most on here, i lack the basic tools for survival and so i surrender myself to god. If god wants to punish me for my sins,then go ahead.