Nothing really, noone has to read it...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by nothingmatters, Feb 20, 2008.

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  1. I dont even know why im writing this..probably cause its middle of the night(2 in the night) and i dont have anything else to do...i dont even know, why i came to this place i dont think anyone could really help me or anything. i dont even think that anyone cares, what im going trough...but im used to that, so...but i guess, i want to get some things out of me.but im still not sure, what im going to say new to this place, and i have never told anyone what im feeling inside. so, please dont get mad or anything, if i write smth. stupid, and sorry for my english, english is not my mother language. so ill start i problem is that, i really badly wish to die...for quite a long time already, like what ?? 10 years..? i dont know, but for me, its too much...and i feel that, its only getting worse and worse..and i really dont know how much i can take it anymore, i really want to give up on everything and just end it.the thing is that i want desperately to forget all my past, i feel so unsecured with people, and so used and so hurt...its really hard to explain and i dont want to write this letter too long..i think it would be alright, if i could just forget everything and just start everything again...but i think its impossible, isnt it?? i mean, if i cant, then why should , why the f*** should i torture myself like this...cause being alive is torturing for me, really, it is...and it has lasted for too long time.i actually got some help from 1 psychologist, when i was 12 years old, it was just after i tried to kill myself...but thats another story, and nobody knows about im just trying to say, that i talked about one thing with this psychologist, and it really got better for me.FOR A YEAR..with that year, i almost borned again, my life almost totally changed, i forgot many things.but it didnt stay like that.after a while my depression came back, slowly, starting taking over my it has gone over all the lines, its worse than ever before, and i cant find a way out..all my memories are back again, and i think i have lost all my hope..and i reallyyyyy want to die...but im not sure, how or what should i confused, and theres noone, to listen to i know its bad, and im giving my best not to think like this and im really trying not to kill myself, but its so tempting, when you see a metro train coming. does anyone even understand...its just so easy to end it all, why should i suffer anymore...?Just because its wrong to kill yourself, because its weak??? i dont know, im just battleing with myself right now...ok im going, and i hope theres some happyness in you lives! and sorry, this was too long and stupid....
  2. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    i read it!! :sorry:


    Welcome, Matters. It's nice to have you. :shake:

    Oh, yeah. I got you. Do you know what I'm talking about?

    You don't know how I got ya? :)

    You said, "i really want to die... but im not sure, how or what should i confused"

    :poke:mad:nothingmatters Gotcha. You're a salvageable human being. *claps* You're unsure. You're confused. All you need is answers.

    If you're not sure (of whatever), then you seriously should consider talking to some positive members (like me) on here. Contribute to topics. Maybe read some philosophy, look for positive quotes--oh and when I say philosophy I don't mean the heady stuff. Try and find a primer. Sorta like an introductory guide, and you can Google that.

    Don't give into temptation because it's incorrect that "nothing matters." If you learn well, you'll see. I can't explain to you in one post "why" or "how" you matter but... but let's put it this way.

    Look at physicists.

    They are guys and gals, many of whom atheist, who understand that we could be likened to particle-wave functions; mere neutrinos to the grand scheme of things. (Practically nothing, in other words.) And yet they KNOW they individually, maybe divinely, they matter. They know it!

    Hell the entire Earth could blip out tomorrow and the Universe, far too busy dealing with dying stars and birthing new ones which may then converge into new constellations probably wouldn't notice our puny lil' absence. :laugh:

    See, a physicist deals with this knowledge all day everyday, dealing with the very large, dealing the very small and yet they know they are here for good reason.

    I hope stick around.

    Your post wasn't too long. It was a very interesting up and down battle that you have so survived.

    i hope you're not mad with me for reading it

    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 20, 2008
  3. no im not mad with you or was really nice of you, to post an awnser like that...ive actually read some philosophy, and i have always enjoyed it, but right now, it wouldnt help at all, it just would confuse me even, i just really feel that theres no need of me existing anymore, for what???...and theres no awnser for that question i think, i vont find it even from any kind of i think, what i mean is, i have to try to find the awnser myself from somewhere inside. and i hope i will find it soon, cause i cant take it anymore...ok, im going ou, for a little walk or smth...
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2008
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