Nothing serious

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by sammakko, Nov 6, 2009.

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  1. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    My wrists have been painfull sometimes even I cut them long time ago. Not real damages but sometimes there is pain. My wrists are going to temptation me again. I look at my blood vessels too often. I also have started enjoy hungry again and I torture my hands which is not also anything serious. When I stop using moistures they open up little cuts on themselves. I kind of not do it because I keep telling myself that is natural. Then I have got infections and I enjoy of them. I can see the signs. No need to answer anything this is more like note for me.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you have to do this to find relief of your pain. I wish youcould find someone to talk to take care
     
  3. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Do not be.
     
  4. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Point of scratching, no good but I am not loser yet. No cuts, positive attitude. I have not lose this game yet. I do not need cuts. Things not change by cutting. I am not more or less with or without them. My problems do not change with or without them. My problems waiting for me every day with or without them. It is not going to help me hate me any less. My self hate waiting for me after years.

    11 years and nothing changed.
     
  5. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Don't care if you don't want anyone to reply, I just have.

    :hug:
     
  6. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Do not waste your time Tam.

    You need yourself some who listen and help you.
     
  7. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    It's never nothing.
     
  8. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    I try to go school tomorrow. I make a note for evey piece of shyt what they throw on my face. No cuts. They are the ones who have to take responsibility what they do and say, not me by cutting me.

    And I have to look how empty my life really is and I have to take all of that emptyness because it is not going to change. Not by dreaming, not with imagenation, not by lies. I have to start looking things how they are and take that emptyness. No cutting because my life is empty. No because I am ugly, No because of bad memories of abusing and strangle, no. I stop it once, I am not going to go there again.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 8, 2009
  9. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I wish you luck with your goal, it's very valuable and you can be proud of yourself :hugtackles:
     
  10. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    I'm going to risk being shot down in flames by saying this, but in looking at how empty your life is, you don't have to just accept that it's going to be like that forever. Ok the other things, the things in the past, they won't change, but maybe one day soon won't be as painful to you as they are now. I'm going to risk suggesting that one way your life can be less empty, is to reach out more here. Even just posting like you're doing now, whether you want people to reply or not - you're being heard. That's a start.

    :hug:

    by the way, I've found some friends on here who listen to me, so I've got a few ears spare to listen to you - if you want :smile:
     
  11. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    No, that is the thing what I have to learn accept. I am, school is, that is all for me. Some day it is maybe I am, work is. No anymore spending my life for waiting better which never exist. Lies are over.

    And do not try to brainwash me :evil:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 8, 2009
  12. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Lies are everywhere. But not said by everyone. Some people are true. I'm empty, like you. The first thing I feel when I wake up. Every morning. But it CAN be other. Just it's hard to heal. We need time. School is a good goal. But learning is something you can do by yourself. I have no money, I teach myself.
     
  13. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Oh oh there are the flames. I'm sorry, the last thing I want to do is annoy you. But really Sammakko, no-one could brainwash you, you know your own mind far too well for that to happen.

    And the offer is there regardless :smile:
     
  14. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    What do you want what you do not already have?
     
  15. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    No, it is very easily to brainwash me, that is what is happend for me. I lost me and my thinking. If I have to write what kind of person I am I only tell what another people have told me. And I have believe it is true. I am brainwashed by very long term. 9 years of school, every day, every day bullying made me believe I am all that what people said. That I call brainwash which they did very well.

    I know 2 things which I am not, I am not a porn star even people thought so and I am not a w***e. But when people still treat me like a one ... And this all still effect all what I think and all what I do (=what I do not do).

    I have to build myself again. I started to lost me 6 years old i guess. there is nothing left after last time I try to make friends on the net. 1 year and they suck all out of me. They are masters of minds.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2009
  16. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    To be honest Sammakko, my motives in this are 90% selfish. I want to know your story, want to know who you are, I got interested right from the moment I first saw you dancing around the forum posting those funny little messages - you made me laugh and I loved the way you said things. So now you're back and posting again, I'm still trying to find out more.

    And ok, about making friends on the internet. I get your point, and I'm sorry you've been messed about with, not just on the net.

    And I like that you're angry and not afraid to show it. I have problems with anger, so to see someone else show it, I try and learn from them. Does that make sense?
     
  17. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    I did noticed you laughed and took things as a joke when I bleed.
     
  18. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    Still I did not go to school...

    world just let me be :mortdesinos:
     
  19. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I've just read your post. I'm not here to brainwash you or cause you any harm. Just offering to listen if you feel like talking.
     
  20. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    hey i am here if you would like to talk at all :)
     
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