nothing special.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by j0rd4n, Mar 17, 2008.

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  1. j0rd4n

    j0rd4n Guest

    i rarely post here. i try to but when i type my feelings i feel calm enough to delete it. so im sure i dont have it as bad as many people here. but i lost someone that means a lot to me. were still friends at least, thats good.. right? i dont want to sleep, and im not looking forward to waking up. im not looking forward to anything. has anyone done a stupid thing they regret so much. how do you deal with that. sigh i just want to give up. im not looking forward to waking up let alone going through the day. sigh. thanks for reading, even though this doesnt seem that important.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi j0rd4n, what's going on?
    i can relate to having done something stupid. i did something stupid in my 20s and now i have a criminal record... how's that for stupid?!!! i can't go back and change the past. i am learning to forgive myself. that's all i can do....
    catherine
     
  3. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    losing a friend is the stupid thing i have done.

    i would like to learn more about whats going on with you if you want to share.
     
  4. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Hey Jordan,

    Dont worry about somethings you have to say not seeming as important or as massive as some of the things you might read on this site. If something is hurting you, then it is just as important. Maybe it would help to talk things out a bit? Next time you feel like blowing off some steam, PM me. Then you cant delete and and someone will hear you xxx
     
  5. j0rd4n

    j0rd4n Guest

    sigh i dont feel like explaining it. i know for some they would like to know but i just dont really want to say, let alone explain the whole thing. im not trying to get attention. i guess im just here to vent. because, at least for me, holding things in is difficult. you want someone to know how your feeling. posting here, i know at least some one would read this. its just slight relief to know that someone knows about me. yeah i do feel like crap again. sigh how do you deal with things like this. how do you get over this pain.
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    ;-) no worries, you never have to share more than is comfortable
    i cope using a number of things: counselling, a psych, meds, a relaxation class, reading about depression, distraction techniques when i'm in a crisis, calling the suicide helpline, chatting the chatroom here... feel free to ask me about any of these,
    catherine
     
  7. j0rd4n

    j0rd4n Guest

    i dont think i could ever step up to those things, not because i see them as weird or anything but i guess its just not for me. i do come on here, sometimes in the chat room, or here where other people such as yourself comfort each other and offer a helping hand. well id just like to say thanks for listening and comforting me as well. i do feel somewhat better.
     
  8. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    You dont need to say thanks, everyone here wants to help. Just keep talking. You asked how people cope? Well, sometimes i dont, sometimes i cry and do stupid things and i hurt but i keep coming here and trying to find something to live for. You need to keep searching, and never give up.
     
  9. j0rd4n

    j0rd4n Guest

    i feel like im in denial. i know i am because im always hoping that were still together. and i know this false hope is just going to crash on me, i just cant deal with the truth. were still friends at least. im sure you cant understand what im trying to get out without me telling details, but id rather not. just im fucking tired of feeling like this. sad, happy, pissed. i honestly cannot see myself getting over this. all i can do is go distract myself by playing games or listening to music, but once thats over it just comes back. when im in school things are fine, but when im alone i just think about everything and feel miserable again. just get over it, move on with life. its so much harder for me. dude i dont even know what im complaining about anymore. i just want to say forget it and move on. but i cant, i just want to. i dont know. im glad i can talk here though. i really dont know what i want anymore. but i do know ill just feel miserable either way. im tired of this. sigh now im just getting repetitive. thanks for reading
     
  10. j0rd4n

    j0rd4n Guest

    yeah im really tired of this. by the time i know it ill be back to thinking about not living, but i wont actually ever go that far. man i just really want to scream at someone or just start a fight or something. has anyone seen the movie fight club? i kind of like the meaning to that whole "club".

    honestly im just talking about random things. maybe just because im in such a bad mood. or just type till i feel calm. either way im just talking here because its a source to release my feelings to. so its pointless saying all this but its for my own benefit to feel calm. i just really dont know anymore. i dont know what i want to think or what i want to do. i feel thoughtless and the day is just pushing me along.
     
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    keeping your mind busy is a really important trick for dealing with depression -- that's why you are feeling a bit better when you are at school. when you have loads of unscheduled time your mind can latch on to the sad stuff and mull it over, and over, and over....
    i keep a detailed schedule for all my time so i'm am not at loose ends, literally, i have written on a list everything i'm doing in half hour intervals. it's the opposite of how i usually live my life, but it keeps me out of trouble,

    catherine
     
  12. j0rd4n

    j0rd4n Guest

    i can see how that will help, but just.. its just too much. even if i manage to busy myself i will still remember and still be sad. its always on my mind, just when im busy it doesnt eat me up inside. i honestly dont think i can handle this, but im being pushed to; so i will try to manage. its just so hard to accept this change and go on. i just cant stand it. sigh i dont know, thanks for talking to me.
     
  13. j0rd4n

    j0rd4n Guest

    ugh honestly, even now i just keep thinking about it. i dont want to sleep, i dont know what to do anymore. i can only come here now to talk to anyone about these things, if not for this id have to keep everything inside. sigh i cant describe how im feeling right now, but im sure im not the only one who felt this way. theres so many things that run through my mind. sigh why is it so hard to get over things. is it just me or its just hard? bleh i dont know. thanks for listening.
     
  14. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I just say "Well, it was stupid but it's done and there's nothing I can do about it now"

    And then, hopefully, it wasn't something really bad and I can just try to remember not to do it again.

    How's this for stupid?

    When I was 16 or 17 (I don't remember which), I had a best friend. We did everything together. He trusted me completely. One night, when I knew they weren't going to be home, I went to his house, broke in and stole a bunch of stuff. I don't even know why I did it. I didn't need any of it. It was just.....stuff.

    So anyway, I hid the stuff in my attic and forgot about it. Well, my parents found it and called his parents and that was that. I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me for a couple of days. I thought his mother might have me arrested. I was in a really bad place as I went to sleep that night. I didn't know how I was going to go on. But I did, somehow. I didn't get arrested but I had to take all the stuff back. Can you imagine how it felt? I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid and thrown a a good friendship away for something like that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 23, 2008
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